Hello. I'm
Today, I've come to visit the free apartment that's all the rage right now.
Zero deposit, zero key money.
A one-room with two meals and a nap included.
The building materials are warm, woody—some kind of beech-like stuff.
The sunlight's a bit lacking, and there are bugs swarming on the bed (straw product), but even so, the price is unbeatable.
After all, rent is zero.
The toilet is the latest in pot technology.
You do your business in a pot in the corner of the room, and when the pot fills up with waste, you dump it through a hole in the corner of the room yourself. A self-service model.
There's no running water, so hygiene is a bit of a concern, but if you can use magic, it's no problem.
Especially for a mage like me who can produce boiling water, the hygiene issue is essentially solved.
Meals come twice a day.
Modern folks might find that a little sparse.
However, the food itself is surprisingly good.
Vegetables and fruit—specialties of this verdant land. And meat.
The seasoning is mild, bringing out the flavors of the ingredients. Anyone accustomed to life on the Demon Continent would be smacking their lips with delight.
Now then, the real selling point of this apartment.
It's got to be the reassuring security infrastructure.
Look at these sturdy iron bars.
Knock on them, pull on them—they don't budge.
The downside is that magic unlocking opens them right up, though.
No burglar would see these reliable iron bars and think, "Yeah, I'm going in there."
But criminals? They get in.
Because it's a prison.
--- After that, I was carried through a dark forest.
On Ghyslaine's back, unable to move, just carried along.
Dark forest. Trees whizzing past at incredible speed.
At the edge of my vision, a silver furball was keeping pace.
Still a puppy, yet with impressive stamina.
The trip must have been two or three hours.
The beast-tribe warrior called Ghyslaine ran for quite a long time.
Then she arrived somewhere and came to a stop.
"Holy Beast, please stay home."
"Wafu."
The silver furball gave a single reply and trotted off into the darkness.
I moved only my eyes, scanning the surroundings.
In this dense cluster of trees, I sensed few signs of human presence.
However, I could see occasional lights flickering up among the trees.
Ghyslaine walked a bit longer and approached one of the trees.
With me still slung over her shoulder, she grabbed onto some kind of ladder and climbed up smoothly.
She was taking me up into the trees.
I entered a building.
Empty, barren wooden shack.
There, Ghyslaine stripped me of all my clothing.
For a moment, I thought: She's not going to do something to me while I can't move, is she?
But Ghyslaine grabbed me by the scruff and tossed me somewhere with a plop.
A moment later, I heard a screech of metal hinges and a clank as something fell shut.
Then Ghyslaine was gone.
No explanation whatsoever.
No interrogation of any kind.
After a while, I regained movement of my body. I lit a flame on my fingertip and surveyed the area.
The sturdy iron bars told me everything: this was a jail cell.
I'd been thrown in the slammer.
Fine.
I'd understood as much from the flow of events.
I'd been mistaken for a smuggler.
No need to panic.
The misunderstanding would surely be cleared up soon.
But why had they stripped off all my clothes?
Come to think of it, those kids in the shack had been naked too.
Maybe that was just their culture?
Do beast-tribe people feel humiliated when stripped naked?
...No, the shame of being stripped naked wasn't limited to the beast-tribe.
Since ancient times, prisoners have been stripped bare to break their spirits.
This was a fantasy world, but even in my favorite books, female knights who were captured got stripped nude.
It was universal.
In the darkness, I pondered.
For now, I'd try to get someone to hear me out tomorrow.
Even if that didn't work, it was fine.
After that, it seemed the old warrior had gone chasing after
If that was the case, he'd run into the kids eventually.
Ruijerd might be easy to misunderstand, but he'd never do anything to antagonize someone trying to rescue children.
The children would be rescued safely, and my misunderstanding as a smuggler would be cleared up.
Either way, I was safe.
The old warrior had also said not to interrogate or torture me until he got back.
So I was safe.
Probably. There wouldn't be anything like tentacles set on me... right?
--- Well, with those thoughts running through my head, a full day passed.
Time flies.
On the morning of the day I was thrown in, a guard showed up.
It was a woman.
She was dressed in a warrior-like fashion, but more slender than Ghislaine.
Though her chest was huge.
I declared to her: "This is a wrongful conviction! I didn't do anything!"
I explained that I had nothing to do with the smuggling organization, had learned by chance that children were being held in that building, and had acted out of righteous indignation to rescue them.
But the female guard wasn't listening.
She brought in a bucket of water and doused me with it while I was making a fuss.
It was cold water.
She looked down at me, soaking wet like a drowned rat, with the expression of someone staring at garbage, and said: "You pervert...!"
I shivered.
I thought: What incredible torture.
Strip me naked, have this gorgeous fox-eared lady ogle me, then dump cold water on me on top of verbal abuse.
This was soul-crushing.
These people had no intention of following the old warrior's orders.
What was going to happen to me...
Damn it, God, please protect me...
...No, the Human God can just stay out of this.
"B-Boo-hoo, sniffle!"
Jokes aside.
I wanted something to wear.
This outfit was way too free—I was in danger of forgetting what it meant to be a functioning human.
For now, I warmed my body with fire magic "Burning Place" before I caught a cold.
--- Day two.
Ruijerd hadn't come to rescue me.
Two days naked, and anxiety started raising its head.
Had something happened to Ruijerd?
Had he ended up fighting that old warrior?
Or had the smuggling situation gotten more complicated?
Or maybe something had happened to
I was anxious.
Extremely anxious.
So I considered escape.
Late afternoon, after lunch, I quietly used magic.
A warm-wind spell—mixing fire and wind together.
This made the entire room toasty and warm.
The guard gradually started dozing off, and then fell into a sound sleep.
Easy pickings.
I unlocked the iron bars and crept outside.
Making sure no one was around, I exited the building.
And there, a fantastical landscape spread out before me.
There was a town in the trees.
All the buildings were situated in the trees, with scaffolding built along the trunks.
The trees were connected by bridge-like structures, so you could move around the entire village without ever descending to the ground.
The ground itself was mostly empty.
I could see what looked like simple shacks and the traces of fields, but they didn't seem to be in use.
Did they not live on the ground?
There weren't many people.
I could see beast-tribe folks walking along the treetop scaffolding here and there.
Cross the bridges above, and you're visible from below. Walk below, and you're visible from above.
And I, in every sense of the word, was visible to everyone.
Escaping without being spotted would be difficult.
Not that being spotted would necessarily stop me. If I didn't care about consequences, I could set some convenient tree on fire and use the chaos to bolt into the forest.
But the forest.
I didn't know the way.
Ghyslaine had been running at considerable speed.
The town was quite far away.
Even at full sprint, it'd take about six hours in a straight line.
I'd get lost for sure.
There was the option of creating a tower of earth with magic and checking my position from up high.
But something that conspicuous would probably bring Ghyslaine running after me.
I didn't even know what magic she'd used.
Fight without preparing countermeasures, and I might lose again.
And next time, she might cut off my legs so I couldn't escape.
Maybe I should wait for the situation to change a bit more.
It had only been two days.
The old warrior still hadn't returned.
He and the others might be helping Ruijerd search for the children's parents.
No need to rush.
With that judgment, I returned to my cell.
--- Day three.
The food the guard brought was delicious.
A place rich in nature really was different.
The Demon Continent couldn't compare.
It was basically some kind of unclear grass soup and something like a grilled patty of scrap meat, but both were tasty.
Probably because I'd gotten used to meals on the Demon Continent.
If this was what they served prisoners, the villagers must be eating truly incredible stuff.
I offered a word of praise, and the guard brought me seconds.
Judging by the reaction, she might be the one cooking.
Still, she wouldn't talk to me.
--- Day four.
Bored.
Nothing to do.
I could use magic to do something, but if I made it too conspicuous, they'd probably put a gag on me or handcuff me.
Even if they did, it wouldn't be the end of the world, but there was no reason to voluntarily make things worse for myself.
--- Day five.
I got a roommate.
I heard commotion outside, and a man who looked like an adventurer was thrown into the cell.
Two brawny beast-tribe men held him by either arm and rolled him in.
"Damn it! Treat me with some respect!"
The beast-tribe ignored the man's shouts and walked back out.
The man rubbed his sore butt saying "Ow, ow" as he slowly turned around.
I greeted him in a nirvana-Buddha pose.
"Welcome. To the end of the road."
I was, of course, completely naked.
The man stared at me with a dumbfounded expression.
He looked like an adventurer.
Dark clothes overall, with leather protectors at each joint.
Naturally, he was unarmed.
Long sideburns, a monkey-like face. Think of a certain Saiyan.
Though "monkey face" wasn't really a metaphor.
He was a demon-tribe member.
"What's the matter, newbie? Something strange going on?"
"N-no, I mean, how should I put it..."
The man was looking at me with a flustered expression.
How embarrassing. Stop staring like that.
"...You're naked, but you sure act high and mighty, huh?"
"Hey newbie, watch your tone.
I've been here longer than you.
That makes me the cell boss and your senior. Show some respect."
"O-oh."
"Yes, I meant 'yes.'"
"Yes."
Why was I being so arrogant toward a total stranger?
Because I was bored.
"Sadly, there are no floor cushions. Sit wherever you feel like."
"O-okay..."
"So, newbie. What'd you get thrown in for?"
I asked in a casual tone.
The newbie, rather than getting angry at being talked down to by someone younger, actually answered my question with a stunned expression.
"Got caught cheating."
"Oh? Gambling? Rock-paper-scissors? Tightrope walking?"
"What the hell is that? Dice."
"Dice, huh."
He'd probably used dice that only showed 4, 5, or 6.
"Caught for a pretty lame crime, huh?"
"And what about you?"
"Can't you tell? Public indecency."
"What the hell is that?"
"I hugged a silver puppy while naked, and that's why they threw me in."
"Oh, I heard about that!
The holy beast of the Doldia tribe was attacked by a sexual predator."
Nice spin on that.
It was a wrongful conviction, of course.
But there was no point explaining that to this guy.
"The beastial urges toward an adorable creature... Newbie, as a man, you understand, right?"
"Not one bit."
The way the man looked at me shifted to the way you'd look at something inexplicable.
Or maybe it hadn't shifted—maybe it was like that from the start.
"So, newbie, what's your name?"
"Geese."
"Like a Colonel?"
"Colonel? No, I'm an adventurer. Or was."
Geese.
Hm. I felt like I'd heard that name before.
Where was it?
I couldn't remember.
Well, there were probably plenty of similar names.
"I'm Rudeus.
I'm younger than you, but I'm senior here."
"Yeah, yeah."
Geese shrugged, flopped down on the spot, then suddenly raised his head.
"Hm? Rudeus. I've heard that name somewhere."
"It's a name you'd hear anywhere."
"Heh, true enough."
Two nirvana Buddhas faced each other.
Though one of them was naked.
What a strange situation.
Here I was—the most senior person in this cell—stark naked, and the newbie had clothes on?
Didn't that seem backward?
"Hey newbie."
"What is it, senpai?"
"That vest looks warm. Let me have it."
"Huh...?"
Geese made no effort to hide his reluctance, but he took off his fur vest and tossed it to me.
Maybe he was surprisingly decent.
"Ah, thank you very much."
"So you can say 'thank you,' huh."
"Of course. I've been in the free-spirit lifestyle for days now. I finally feel human again."
"Drop the polite speech, senpai."
And so, I ended up looking like a snot-nosed kid from the Edo period.
The guard looked displeased, but said nothing.
"From this vest, I can feel the warmth of the newbie..."
"Hey, you're not into guys, are you?"
"Of course not. I'm into girls from twelve to forty.
But guys need a girlish face to pull that off."
"A girlish face, huh..."
Geese looked like he couldn't believe it.
But this guy would totally become Merlin if a girl with Excalibur pulled it out for him.
In the sexual sense, that is.
"By the way, newbie. I've been wanting to ask something."
"What?"
"Where is this?"
"The Great Forest. A Doldia tribe village prison."
"Who am I?"
"Rudeus. A naked pervert who makes moves on puppies."
I wasn't naked anymore, for one.
And it was a wrongful conviction.
I wasn't a pervert.
"So in this Doldia tribe village, why is a demon-tribe guy like you busy gambling?"
"Yeah, well. I knew someone from the Doldia tribe back in the day, so I thought I'd check if they were still around."
"Were they?"
"Nope."
"They weren't around, so you gambled instead? Cheated, even?"
"I thought I wouldn't get caught..."
This guy was hopeless.
But he might come in handy.
"Newbie. Besides cheating, what else can you do?"
"I can do anything."
"Oh yeah? Like, punch a dragon to death with your bare hands?"
"Nah, that's beyond me. I'm no good in a real fight."
"Like, handle a hundred women at once?"
"One is enough. Two at most, tops."
Finally, he lowered his voice so the guard wouldn't hear, and muttered: "Like, escape from here and make it to town?"
When I said that, Geese sat up, glanced at the guard, and scratched his head.
Then he leaned in close.
Whispering.
"You planning to escape?"
"My friends haven't come for me."
"Ah... that's rough, man."
Hey, don't say it like that. It made it sound like I'd been abandoned.
Ruijerd would never abandon me.
Something big must be going on right now.
He's waiting for my help.
"Run away on your own. I've got nothing to do with this."
"I don't know the way to the nearest town."
"How'd you get here in the first place?"
"I was rescuing kids who'd been captured by smugglers."
"Rescuing?"
"Then I went and unchained the puppy they had tied up, and suddenly this beast-tribe guy showed up and started screaming at me, and before I could move, I was captured."
Geese scratched his head with a confused expression.
I might have been a bit vague on the details.
"Uh, so, like... wrongful conviction?"
"Wrongful conviction."
"I see. Yeah, you'd want to escape from that."
"Exactly. Please, lend me your strength."
"Not a chance. Why should I help you?
I'll be out soon, unlike you."
When you say "why," well...
I'd already said it.
Because I didn't know the way.
Wandering the forest until I died was not on the bucket list.
And I was basically naked.
"Well, if it's a wrongful conviction, it should be fine. They'll figure it out."
"I hope so."
My take was that Ghyslaine was the type who didn't listen to explanations.
But it was true that I'd rescued the kids.
Once the kids came back, my wrongful conviction would clear itself up.
"Then I'll wait a bit longer."
"That's right, that's right. Running away won't end well."
If he said so, then I'd wait a bit longer.
Fortunately, I still had some margin on my side.
If push came to shove, I could set the whole area ablaze and escape in the chaos.
I'd feel bad for the Doldia tribe, but they were the ones who captured me on false charges, so we'd be even.
I figured they were just taking a while to find the children's parents...
--- Day six.
This apartment was incredibly comfortable.
Food was provided, the climate control was top-notch (manually powered), and it turned out I even had someone to talk to.
The bed was infested with bugs, but the warm-wind magic had taken care of that.
The toilet was still gross, but if you thought about the fox-eared lady handling my waste, it was enough to get one's blood pumping.
Still, I was anxious.
No information was coming in. That was deeply unsettling.
It had been almost a week since I was captured.
At this point, wasn't it too late?
You'd naturally assume something had gone wrong.
A problem that Ruijerd couldn't solve on his own.
I wasn't sure what help I'd be, even if I went.
It might already be too late.
But I couldn't very well not go.
Tomorrow.
No, the day after tomorrow.
I'd wait until the day after tomorrow.
If the day after tomorrow came and gone, I'd turn this village into a scorched field...
Well, that seemed a bit harsh. Instead, I'd take the guard hostage and escape.
--- Day seven.
Today was the last day of prison life.
Deep down, I was running through plans, but on the surface, I lounged about lazily, eating and sleeping.
"Oh yeah, newbie."
Lying around in my usual bandit pose, I asked Geese.
"What?"
"Is this the only prison in the village?"
"Why would you ask that?"
"Well, you don't normally throw two people into the same cell for no reason."
"This cell isn't usually used. Regular criminals get sent to Zantport."
Criminals went to Zantport.
So this cell was only for criminals special to the Doldia tribe.
I'd been mistaken for a smuggler and charged with attempting to sexually assault a holy beast.
If it was called a holy beast, it must be something special to this village.
A truly special criminal.
But wait.
"Then why were you put in this cell?
You got caught cheating, right?"
"Beats me. It was just a small thing inside the village."
"Is that how it works?"
"That's how it works."
Feeling a slight sense of unease, I scratched my side.
Then scratched my belly.
And my back, for good measure.
Man, I was itchy.
Looking down at the ground, I saw a single flea hop.
"Whoaaa! This vest is full of bugs!"
"Hm? Oh yeah, haven't washed it in a while."
"You should wash it!"
I tossed the vest aside.
When I shook it, bugs tumbled out in droves.
I immediately incinerated them with hot air.
Those filthy little things...
"Whoa, I saw from outside and it looked cool. How'd you do that?"
"I use magic without incantation."
"...Wow. No incantation. That's impressive."
Ugh, now that I was thinking about bugs, my whole body itched like crazy.
For now, I healed each bite one by one.
But my back.
I'd been wearing the vest directly against my skin, so my back was riddled with bites.
I couldn't reach.
Nooo.
"Hey newbie."
"What?"
"Come here and scratch my back. It's unbearably itchy."
"Yeah, yeah."
I sat cross-legged, and Geese came around behind me.
Scratching away.
"Ahh, there, right there. Nice, you've got talent, you know that?"
"Told you? I can do anything.
I could even give you a shoulder massage if you want."
Saying that, Geese started kneading my shoulders.
Danger. This guy was experienced.
Involuntarily, my spine went straight.
"Ohh, that's great, feels amazing, ahh, a little lower, mhm, right there... hm?"
Just then.
I felt a pair of eyes.
I looked to the side.
Outside the iron bars, about seven people were standing.
First, an old beast-tribe man who looked like a slightly older version of Ghislaine.
A beast-tribe young man who was the spitting image of Ghislaine.
The guard who'd been watching me this whole time.
A cat-eared girl who was pointing at me and laughing.
A dog-eared girl who covered her face while peeking through the gaps in her fingers.
Then a clean-shaven, bald Sylph tribe young man, and the young lady of the Boreas household, carrying my clothes, my robe, and my staff.
"Rudeus... What are you two doing?"
Eris was staring at me with the coldest expression imaginable.
My current state.
Geese behind me, gripping my shoulders, spine pulled straight.
Yes—it looked exactly like I was sticking my butt out.
And at the tip of said butt was Geese's crotch.
"It's not what it looks like!"
--- Thanks to the testimony of two young ladies, I was released.
The misunderstanding and wrongful conviction were quickly cleared up.
Incidentally, Geese was apparently still stuck in the cell.