It had been a pleasant moment, soaking in the hot spring in the underground pool.
"Hey, did you by chance fight with Paimon?"
Barbatos popped the question out of nowhere. The bastard had come over to our Demon Lord's Castle to hang out. While I was taking a bath, he'd stripped off his clothes without a shred of shame and planted himself right next to me. "Ahh, that's the stuff," he kept sighing with satisfaction — the very image of a middle-aged uncle enjoying his bath.
How on earth did I end up as lovers with a guy like this.
Filling myself with renewed existential doubt, I lazily puffed on a cigarette.
"What? Don't tell me word got out."
"What word? Paimon's bitch just looked unnecessarily depressed, so I figured I'd probe a little."
Barbatos splashed the hot-spring water over his face with both hands.
"That woman's nerves are as thick as an orc's cock, you know. It takes a hell of a lot to get under her skin."
"Well... we had a pretty pointless little argument."
I shrugged my shoulders. At that, Barbatos flashed a lewd grin.
"Want me to take a guess why you fought? It was about those humans you barbecued, wasn't it? Right?"
"You're too much. You could quit the regency and go sell hot dogs on a blanket."
"Knew it."
Barbatos cackled loudly. He looked like he was in a great mood. The little Demon Lord was a sadist who got a kick out of other people's misery. And to think this bastard was currently the most popular Demon Lord — what a goddamn era we live in.
"See, I knew it. I've been nervous ever since you started getting lovey-dovey with Paimon. She's nothing like 'us' in personality. Back during the Fourth Crescent Alliance Army, we had a massive fight over what to do with the human prisoners, remember?"
Barbatos had always hated the fact that I was flirting with Paimon.
Fundamentally, Barbatos was an advocate of romantic freedom. He stuck to the principle of never interfering even if his partner was sleeping around. But even he considered Paimon a rival worth worrying about.
That was one of the reasons he'd thrown his little tantrum back then.
Behind the absurd incident where she suddenly started spouting nonsense about being the main wife or the legitimate one lay the long-simmering rivalry between Barbatos and Paimon. She wanted me to guarantee that she held the superior position over Paimon.
Well, I'd already made it up to her with a finger ring gift.
And even now, Barbatos was bathing naked while wearing that finger ring. This was exactly why jealousy in women was such a pain.
"Barbatos. There's something I've been wanting to ask you for a while. What do you think about humans?"
"They're trash that needs to be swept off the face of the earth as soon as possible."
She's flat-out calling them trash. How terrifying—.
I forced a wry smile.
"Why? Humans are a rational species too. Couldn't you just use them as slaves instead of outright killing them?"
"Babting. They're the kind of species where reason is glued onto their skulls, which is exactly why you need to sweep them all the cleaner."
Barbatos sank deeper into the hot spring pool. She stared blankly at the steam drifting up from the hot water.
"What's so great about reason anyway? It's completely useless. Demons, humans—leave them alone and they just become as cunning as wolves and turn the whole world into a goddamn mess. Go ahead and grab any one of those supposedly 'rational' folks and ask them: why do you eat animals and plants when they're living beings just like you?"
Barbatos let out a dismissive snort.
"Nine times out of ten, they'll answer something like this: 'I'm a rational species, and animals and plants are dumb as shit, so it's fine to eat them.' What kind of boneheaded bullshit is that? Got it? It's simple. They eat animals and plants because they're stronger than them. That's all there is to it."
Barbatos lifted her right foot in one smooth motion. A pale white foot surfaced from the water like a submarine.
"Every time I hear the word 'reason,' I want to rip my own ears out and shove them up the other person's ass. That's the fundamental difference between Paimon and me. She worships diarrhea like it's gold, and I just treat diarrhea as diarrhea."
Fair point.
Feeling my muscles unwind in the hot spring water, I asked.
"Then you should just sweep away both demons and humans alike. Why only target humans?"
"Because, luckily, I can keep the demons under control."
Barbatos turned her head toward me.
"Dantalion. I think of this as a kind of blessing. Demons have their Demon Lords. They can read anyone's mind fairly, without distinguishing between people. No matter what problem arises, they can judge it impartially."
"……."
"Whether it's trash that can be controlled, or trash that's gone wild — that's the only difference. If there were no Demon Lords in this world, I would have seriously tried to wipe out every last race……."
I nodded along expressionlessly, as if to say, "Is that so."
"Right. So I'm going to clean out every useless Demon Lord — except for our comrades."
It was rather clever.
Paimon and Barbatos — both of them are Demon Lords. Yet one considers it a curse while the other considers it a blessing.
Paimon identified the Demon Lords as the truly alien element in this world. For society to function properly, the Demon Lords had to be dealt with first. That was her judgment. To transcend the divide between demons and humanity, and to bring about a true society……
Barbatos, on the other hand, saw humanity as the alien element. She argued that for a truly fair society to be built, humanity needed to be wiped out entirely.
And yet both arrived at the same answer — the answer that "Demon Lords must be gotten rid of en masse." One could only call it a grim joke……
I said seriously.
"Barbatos. From the start, I'm the kind of person who has nothing to do with justice or conviction or any of that. Whether Paimon is right or you are right — I don't even have the right to judge that."
"……."
"But this much I will say — now is not the time."
Humanity is not as weak as the Demon Lords dismiss them to be.
The reason the Demon Lord's army has held the upper hand over humanity's forces recently is entirely because they exploited justifications. It is absolutely not because demons are inherently superior to humans.
"We've always exploited the enemy's divisions. On the Bruno Plains, we drove a wedge between the nobles and the commoners. During the Puppet War, we split Frank and Bretagne apart. That's how we seized victory."
Unite your own forces while splitting the enemy apart.
That is the one and only creed I know, the principle I hold sacred. Every move I've ever made was nothing more than putting that sole principle into practice.
"I don't care if you crush the Mountain Faction. Building a kingdom for demons is fine too. But right now is not the time to fight our own. As Chief of Staff of the Demon Lord's army, I am advising you, Legion Commander — hold back."
Barbatos pouted.
"Habsburg's fallen, Franka's fallen, and Bretagne's fallen. What more are we supposed to put up with?"
"Well, let's see. The nations still standing are Venecia, Kalmar, Batavia, Teuton, Politunia, Moskva, Castilla, Sardinia, and Anatolia — nine of them, in fact."
Out of twelve nations, only three had fallen.
Simple arithmetic told the story: three-quarters of humanity remained. I simply could not fathom that humanity was facing an unprecedented crisis.
"If anything, it's our Demon Lord's army that has weakened over the past few years. A few guys died in the war, and Bael and Agares are dead. Yet the only reason we still look powerful is for one reason."
"...Because we're united while they're scattered. Is that it?"
I nodded.
Barbatos flew into a rage.
"So how long are we supposed to wait!?"
"Don't whine like a cat in heat. Fine — at least until the Consul of Habsburg and the Queen of Bretagne are dead. Wait until then."
By that time, the human characters who'd been prominent in the original game would all have died of old age.
Especially the Habsburg Republic. It was held together entirely by Elizabeth's charisma. The moment she died, it would crumble without question.
I playfully nudged Barbatos's side.
"Well, sixty years at most. For us, who live for eternity, it's not exactly a big deal. Right?"
"Damn it... I really hate you!"
Barbatos swatted my hand away.
"Hey! If the Mountain Faction and the Plains Faction go to war, whose side are you going to take!?"
"Good grief. A question so childish even a kid wouldn't ask..."
"Shit, don't dodge it — give me a straight answer!"
Barbatos growled like a cat.
"What are you talking about. I'm not on the Mountain Faction's side, and I'm not on the Plains Faction's side either."
I gently touched her cheek with one hand.
"I'm simply on your side."
"...Huh?"
"Whether humans are trash or not doesn't matter. Whether your ideals are noble or not, that doesn't matter either. Barbatos, I'm purely and simply becoming your ally."
I slowly leaned in toward Barbatos's lips.
But just as I was about to lightly graze her lips—whoosh. Barbatos dodged my kiss. I tilted my head, confused.
Barbatos's expression was rapidly curdling.
"...Wow, you are such a buzzkill."
Huh.
This was completely different from the reaction I'd expected.
How should I put this... I was hoping she'd blush a little or get all flustered. If I did this to Laura or Ivar, they'd be so happy they'd practically keel over and die, but Barbatos's gaze was as cold as if she were staring at garbage.
"Was that supposed to be you trying to seduce me? You absolute moron. Who falls for that kind of sweet talk in this day and age? That was disgustingly sappy. The foie gras I ate yesterday nearly came back up."
"..."
Barbatos had just lumped Ivar and Laura in with the morons in one fell swoop.
The corners of my lips were trembling.
"Y-You're the one who's not pure!"
"Impure, my ass—sitting there sounding like an Ogre nursing a crush. It's not like I'm some virgin who's never been on a date in her life."
Barbatos snorted.
"Let me give you some advice as your elder — never, ever pull lines like that in front of anyone. It's genuinely cringe-worthy. Even the little affection I had in my heart is ready to bolt."
"What are you even on about…?"
"Honestly, you should be grateful I haven't decked you. If you weren't my lover, you'd already be missing your tongue. Ha ha."
Barbatos burst into hearty laughter.
It had been ages since anyone had insulted me like that, and my whole body was trembling with fury. The nerve of this guy — he couldn't even handle Lauro, and here he was looking down on my way of doing romance. I could tolerate a lot of things, but mocking my love life was absolutely off the table!
I opened my mouth to retort.
"You've got to be kidding me. You can't even lay a finger on a human brat, and you're—"
That was when it happened.
Barbatos's face suddenly closed in, and as if it had been scripted all along, he gently, effortlessly, naturally stole my lips. It was a surprise attack — I had no time to react. My eyes flew wide open.
Barbatos's soft tongue slipped inside my mouth. It wasn't a passionate kiss — instead, his tongue curled around mine as tenderly as a caress. I couldn't even find the right moment to close my mouth and was completely toyed with by Barbatos.
A moment later, the kiss ended, and Barbatos slowly pulled his face back.
The bastard wore the grin of a mischievous brat who had just pulled off a wicked prank.
"Listen here, little Dantalion. This is how you seduce someone."
"……."
"Spouting nonsense while bobbing your lips on the water's surface won't get you anywhere. Got that?"
Barbatos stood up, humming a little tune.
I hurriedly called out after him as he headed for the exit from the underground pool.
"You — you're just going to get me all worked up and then run away!?"
Damn it. I didn't even realize my words were coming out stuttered.
Because of what had just happened, my body was desperately craving something stronger. Ending things like this was absolutely out of the question. But that lecherous Barbatos, even though he clearly knew exactly what state I was in, feigned total ignorance.
"Why should I care? Go rub one out by yourself for all I care."
"Oh, so now that you're seeing Laura, you're treating your husband real nasty, huh!?"
"Who's your husband? If you don't like it, go call Paimon and get your rocks off."
She cackled loudly.
Must be because she's a sadist after all.
For some reason, Barbatos looked like she was in an incredibly good mood.