He had no idea how long he'd been running on pure instinct.
His breath was spent, his knees buckling, sweat streaming down his chin and churning everything inside him into a mess—yet he couldn't stop. He kept running.
If he stopped, those incomprehensible emotions chasing him from behind would catch up. And if they caught him, this time everything really would end. That certainty alone was what drove Subaru forward now.
Ram, who was rude, imperious, and never dropped that condescending attitude toward anyone.
That very Ram had bared such raw emotion and screamed her hatred at the top of her lungs.
Just thinking about it made his heart clench, and an indescribable grief washed over him.
He had run. He'd fled.
He'd dashed through, burst out of the mansion, cast off every noise trailing behind him, abandoned everything, and run away.
There was no going back to that place. Not for Subaru.
Ram and Roswaal would never forgive him for running.
And
If he'd just spilled everything, that might have been fine.
But to do that, a dark fog stood in his way, blocking the path.
In that world where time had frozen, where sound was severed—the agony and terror of having his heart crushed in a fist—before all of that, Subaru's halfhearted resolve was scattered to the winds.
In the end, unable to endure the pain or the grief, Subaru had no choice but to run.
"It's not like it's my fault...! What was I supposed to... I'm human too!"
He didn't understand anything.
Why had things turned out like this? What was he supposed to do?
What would it take for the world to forgive him?
"Even though it was so... fun..."
This place—that was supposed to welcome him. He'd been abruptly summoned to another world, forced to live in a place he knew nothing about, a world where only anxiety had taken root, and this place was supposed to have been his refuge.
Those days, that time—barely a week had passed since then, but it felt impossibly far beyond Subaru's reach now.
He'd redo it, loop back, repeat—and each time, the world bared its fangs at him.
The world that had once been so kind had changed color. The brilliant luster had faded, and everything looked dull and lifeless.
—I can't do this anymore.
Suddenly, that whisper flickered through his mind.
—I don't have to keep trying anymore, do I?
The voice urging him to give up, that sweet temptation—Subaru felt his thoughts grinding to a halt.
If he just did what that voice said, he was sure it would be easier.
After all, Subaru was the type who naturally drifted toward whatever path offered the least resistance.
And it wasn't just Subaru. Anyone human would be the same.
When two options were laid out before you and neither could be discarded, you were forced into an agonizing struggle.
And while you writhed in that suffering, what if a third option suddenly appeared?
As if it were divine revelation, as if it were heaven's gift, who could blame the impulse to reach for something so inviting?
If you couldn't resist and couldn't escape, wasn't it better to just throw everything away?
"Throw it all away... he says."
The blood was draining from his head at an alarming rate, and even the frantic pounding of his heart felt distant now.
His limbs grew impossibly heavy. The legs that had been propelling him forward on pure desperation began to slow, gradually turning into a dragging shuffle.
He blinked, and his previously narrowed field of vision widened. Subaru realized he was standing in a forest surrounded by trees.
In his frantic sprint, he'd burst out of the mansion, strayed from the main road, and wandered deep into the mountain paths.
Enveloped by dense, overgrown foliage, in the dim twilight where even the sky was blocked from view, Subaru thought that this place bore a striking resemblance to where he'd died last time.
The instant that thought crossed his mind, a clear vision of the third option surfaced.
"If I die..."
Would he be saved from this situation?
"Yeah, that's right. If I just die, everything changes."
The words slipped out unbidden—a feeble joke born of weakness that sounded far too sweet, and a twisted, trembling smile crept across Subaru's face.
He had already lost his life three times.
A fourth death was uncharted territory for Subaru. And so he'd been tormented by a baseless anxiety: what if, once he died a fourth time, everything truly ended?
But, "What's so wrong with letting it end there...?"
Each loop, Subaru's situation only got worse.
Death by exhaustion, then bludgeoned to death on top of that. Killed by someone he'd trusted, and now he'd lost the life of that very person and every shred of trust from everyone else connected to them.
This time, he'd only barely kept his life. This time, all he had was his life.
Losing everything and struggling on in a situation worse than when he'd first been summoned to this other world—what was the point of any of that?
No, even if there was some point, why did Subaru have to be the one to walk that path?
"If you want to do it so bad, go do it yourself. ...What does any of this have to do with me?"
He bit down on his lip and spat his hatred toward the existence that had dragged him into this mess.
A dark, viscous emotion roiled in his guts, churning, filling his head with every curse he could muster and pouring black fuel into Subaru's already withered heart.
The option of "death"—right now, it seemed like the finest idea imaginable.
If he died and it was over, then so be it.
But what if, by dying, he could return to "Day One"?
"Start from the beginning... yeah. Hang out with Emilia, pet Puck, tease Beatrice, chat with Roswaal, and together with Ram and
He could just trace over that first loop and have fun again.
Thinking back, the first loop had been nothing short of ideal for Subaru. Even if he couldn't change the future—dying of exhaustion on the night of the fourth day—that death had brought no pain, no suffering, and above all, it had promised peace and tranquility.
If he could return to those days, if he could touch those smiles again, then dying wouldn't be frightening at all.
Compared to this hopeless, insurmountable situation he was in now, death was far less terrifying—and above all, the sadness was something he could no longer bear.
Holding his breath, Subaru fumbled into his trouser pocket.
The slender object his fingers closed around was the quill pen he hadn't let go of once in these four days.
The sharpened nib had pierced the back of his hand more times than he could count, staining it with fresh blood each time, and the dark crimson that had crusted over couldn't be wiped away no matter how hard he tried.
Gripping the quill in reverse, Subaru pointed its tip at his own throat.
The pointed end was sharp enough to pierce human flesh—something Subaru could personally attest to, having already proven it.
If he swung it with enough force, with enough commitment, the job would be done.
"Hah... hah... hah..."
His vision flickered bright and dark. His blood was rushing too fast, his entire body burning as though it were boiling.
Yet no blood seemed to reach his head, and his thoughts were freezing over, spinning slower and slower without limit.
His gaze locked onto the pen tip, and the trembling point drew closer and closer.
His ragged breathing—harsher than an all-out sprint—came with nausea, and if he lost focus for even an instant, he'd vomit stomach acid right there.
His knees shook, his hips buckled, and his arm wouldn't move below the elbow, as if no nerves ran through it. And yet his right hand, the one gripping the pen, was shaking with an almost comical absurdity.
"Damn it..."
He clicked his tongue and shook his head, trying to drown out the emotions flooding his mind.
With his left hand, he grabbed his trembling right wrist to hold it still. But the instant he touched his right hand, the fear leapt to his left hand too. Both hands gripping the pen trembled in rapid staccato, and he couldn't follow through.
"Stop... I said stop!"
His voice rose in frustration, but even that couldn't fully conceal the shaking.
Finally, the quill slipped from his grasp. He hunched over to pick it up, and his knees—knees that should have been holding his twisted smile just fine—gave out entirely, sending him crumpling to the ground.
Both hands hit the dirt. He stared, stunned, at the ground before him, and suddenly a burning something welled up from both eyes, spilling down his face as he bit his lip in frustration.
A sharp pain. The metallic taste of blood filled his mouth. He savored it as he sobbed.
"I can't even... do something this simple..."
—Was it because he lacked the courage?
If he just rolled over to that side, it would all be easier.
He'd been thinking that way, spiraling deeper and deeper, and yet he couldn't even muster the resolve to fall completely.
He couldn't yield to impulse and let momentum carry him, couldn't follow through on a weak and easy decision. His determination and resolve were fragile things, and the most he could manage was to crouch there and cry.
Even if he showed such a pathetic display, not a single thing about his situation would improve. It wouldn't even get worse. Nothing would change. The unchanging reality would simply convey, in a flat and dispassionate tone, that Subaru's current situation was rock bottom.
The pain, the suffering, the grief—everything that demanded Subaru make a choice showed him no kindness whatsoever.
Even the option he'd so desperately craved, he didn't have the resolve to carry through.
If he was going to choose the end anyway, maybe he should have just let Ram kill him.
Subaru had no direct involvement in Rem's death. So even if Ram had killed him, it would have been nothing but a tragically misguided revenge—but still.
She'd screamed in hatred, clutching the wound where half her body had been torn apart.
If letting her vent even a fraction of that searing impulse would ease her pain, then wasn't a life like his—one that had chosen only to rot and decay—worth offering up?
It looked like concern for others, but at its core, it was just escapism—an attempt to distract himself from the uncertainty of his own wavering resolve.
Even bringing up Ram in this way was an insult to her, but Subaru—ever the type to avoid confronting his own shame—would never notice.
That selfish emotion, the kind that even drove spirits away—perhaps it was heaven's arrangement, sent by a hand that could no longer bear to witness such a wretched display.
"—Huh?"
The sudden shift in the air's texture made Subaru raise his head.
Still crouching on the dirt, his tear-blurred vision showed no change. But in the dim darkness where leaves and branches blocked the sunlight, something snagged at his nerves.
It was a warning pulled up from instinct.
The alarm bells ringing in his head forced him upright. Dropping to one knee, Subaru scanned his surroundings. He rubbed his eyes to clear his vision, cupped a hand to his ear, and held his breath.
The sound of grass being crushed. A dry, successive rustling of branches.
Fast. And sharp. Something was approaching with keen precision and terrifying speed.
Without thinking, he wet his dry lips with his tongue and grabbed the quill pen that had fallen at his feet. He held it in a reverse grip, and without knowing why, he braced himself facing forward.
—In that instant, it parted the undergrowth and appeared before Subaru.
"You're..."
A pursuit party from the mansion—no.
Or maybe that was what he'd half-hoped for, and that small hope was betrayed.
His eyes lowered slightly at his own foolish expectation, but the figure before him stood there with an air of calm composure.
In terms of what Subaru knew, it was probably closest to a wolf.
Its entire body was covered in black fur, four legs planted firmly into the earth, its posture low and coiled. From its large mouth lined with sharp fangs, saliva dripped, and at the center of its jet-black face, two crimson eyes burned with blazing intensity—the only feature that asserted its presence.
About a meter in length, probably weighing thirty or forty kilos.
In his original world, it would be comparable to a large dog, but its overall sharp, lean build didn't convey quite that level of threat.
However, "Oh, come on..."
Faced with those gleaming predator's eyes and the rough, labored breaths of the creature before him, could anyone raised on nothing but friendly, domesticated dogs that had integrated into human society remain calm?
Confronted by that unmistakable hostility, those bared fangs, cold sweat rapidly spread across Subaru's forehead.
Unable to move a muscle, Subaru watched as the creature lowered its head and snorted through its nose.
It had probably tracked him here by scent. In his desperate run, branches had scraped his body raw, leaving numerous abrasions that were still seeping blood. On top of that, he'd been sobbing pathetically. It had more than enough to pinpoint his location.
The black dog lowering its head in a threatening posture.
He noticed, in passing, a yellowish horn growing from the crown of its head—conclusive proof that this creature's biology was nothing like anything Subaru had ever encountered.
Facing this famished, horned beast, Subaru felt his blood run cold with terror—yet at the same time, he realized with a start that he'd also found an inexplicable sense of relief.
Maybe, if it was the beast before him, Subaru's decision would be affirmed without hesitation. That was how the cornered Subaru perceived it.
"I was thinking about letting Ram kill me... and now this. Talk about fickle."
He couldn't hold firm conviction, so he kept being swept along by whatever was in front of him.
That's how it had been until now, and that's how it would be again—surrendering to the easy path that lay before him.
He didn't think that choice was wrong. There was no point in thinking so, and even if he did, nothing would change.
Spreading both arms wide, Subaru declared his nonresistance to the horned creature.
For an instant—perhaps unable to comprehend the meaning of its prey's behavior—the beast actually flinched and trembled, and Subaru found that oddly amusing.
"What are you so scared of, when I'm already this beaten down?"
A laugh slipped out of his mouth.
He was stunned that he still had enough spirit to laugh like that.
—and the fact that he could laugh meant his mood had actually lightened, just a little.
The black beast standing before him—this creature that had clearly marked Subaru as its prey—was heaven's envoy, sent to fulfill his wish.
With those fangs, those claws, that horn, it would gently guide him into a sweet, blissful stagnation.
Would he die and have it all end, or return and sink into a lazy happiness?
He didn't know which future lay in store, but either way, it would free him from this desperate, inescapable dead end.
For now, that was enough. That was all he needed. He wouldn't ask for anything more.
So then, in one fell swoop— "Huh...?"
He'd been thinking that with a strangely buoyant heart, but Subaru was immediately doused with cold water by the hard clattering sound coming from right nearby.
He kept his attention on the immediate threat while searching for the source of the noise, but he couldn't spot it anywhere.
And then he realized—of course he couldn't. It was obvious.
The small, hard clattering was the sound of his own teeth chattering.
"...What?"
His lips trembled as he let out the whisper. Blood surged painfully into his fingertips, and his heart was pounding so hard it might burst.
He realized only belatedly what was happening to his body, and was struck dumb.
Why was his body trying so hard to flee from this place?
It was as if— "As if I..."
—didn't want to die.
Betrayed by his own body, Subaru was in dire straits—he could no longer even trust himself. And as his composure crumbled further, completely disregarding Subaru's tormented feelings, "Ooh...?"
The beast vanished from his line of sight, and a dopey sound escaped into the forest.
Dazedly, Subaru's eyes searched for the jet-black shadow that had been right there moments ago. He couldn't find it.
An instant later, a massive jaw clamped onto his right inner thigh.
"Ghk—!"
Fangs pierced flesh, reaching nerves, the knife-like sharpness tearing the wound wider.
Blood sprayed. The world's motion slowed to a crawl. Subaru looked down, frozen, at the source of his agony—there, the crimson eyes embedded in his thigh locked with his own.
—As though screaming its claim to life at the top of its lungs, Subaru's shriek echoed through the forest.