There was a sensation — a slow, creeping numbness draining from his arm, bit by bit.
It was the gradual, steady healing of the claw marks left by Meili at the moment of her death. Even as the feeling registered, Subaru kept his gaze averted from the healing magic emanating from beneath his sleeve.
"…Turns out this room was actually pretty impressive, for real."
The spirit inhabiting this vine-choked room was said to heal the wounds of any living being within. Up until now, Subaru had never once entered the room bearing external injuries, so he'd had his doubts about how effective it actually was.
But now, having tasted the sensation of wounds knitting themselves shut, he was forced to reflect on his baseless suspicion.
*'What a waste of a dying message. You're terrible, big brother.'* "———"
*'But it's thanks to
What made it so bitter for Subaru was that he couldn't exactly dismiss her words as disconnected from his innermost thoughts — they struck far too close to home.
Whether this phantom girl was a runaway fragment of Subaru himself, or a literal ghost that had latched onto him after reading the Book of the Dead, he couldn't say.
What he did know was that regardless of the truth, he must not — could not — lend ear to this girl's words. That was the only certainty he possessed, suffused with a seething urgency.
And so Subaru deliberately shut out the incessant hallucinations.
But the more he retreated into his shell, the more delightfully the phantom prattled on, playing with his composure and toying with him as though he were a puppet.
The most egregious example being —、 *'Right now, Beatrice isn't by your side, is she? There's no one to interfere — so why not just finish off that sleeping girl while you can?'* "———!"
*'Kufufu… Don't make that face like you're about to cry. You're trying to ignore me but you can't, and that's honestly just adorable, big brother.'* The voice of the unseen girl seemed to whisper directly into Subaru's ear.
If he shut his eyes, he could almost hallucinate her leaning gently against his back, murmuring honeyed words into his ear alongside sweet sighs.
This spirit room, brought here for the sake of peace of mind, was once again forcing Subaru into the same choice he'd faced when holding the Book of the Dead.
Beatrice, who had brought Subaru here, had gone to inform
He spoke the name of the unconscious girl, but no emotion stirred within him.
She was a girl whose name he merely knew — one with whom he didn't even share a single exchanged memory. What he knew about her was that she was
— He wanted to know more.
*'There is a way, you know. All that's left is whether you do it or not.'* The sweet girl's temptation inevitably called to mind Subaru's Book of the Dead plan.
Even now, lost in deep sleep, she must have had some connection to Subaru during her time of consciousness. With the power of the Book of the Dead, he could learn what that connection was and what feelings she harbored while interacting with him.
More than anything, she was an existence whose life he could peck away at far more easily than Meili's.
A girl in a comatose state — one could suffocate her with nothing more than a damp cloth laid over her face. Quickly, quickly, quickly, quickly, quickly —、 "…Am I an idiot? No, I am an idiot."
Subaru clenched his hand against the surging impatience and corrected his wretched thinking.
What good would rash action accomplish? Even if he threw himself at the situation before him with salivating eagerness, it meant nothing if there was no follow-through.
Killing was merely a process. What Subaru desired was the result — their true feelings.
To rush the execution of the process at the cost of jeopardizing that result — that would be putting the cart before the horse if ever there was one.
Hadn't he already thought this through at the Taygeta Library?
If he were to carry out the Book of the Dead plan, the order in which he pared them down needed to be chosen with extreme care.
"Julius, Emilia,
Counting on his fingers, Subaru listed those within the tower besides Meili — in other words, the targets he wanted to obtain the Book of the Dead from, ranked by priority.
This order should represent the sequence in which they would obstruct the plan's execution.
Conversely, unless he could follow through in this order, rushing into action would guarantee failure. — He refused to screw up.
*'Otherwise you'd end up failing to kill them properly. How scary.'* "———"
He maintained his silence in response to the phantom's quip. He sensed her displeasure at being dismissed.
But no matter what she said, his attitude wouldn't change. It was all the same.
Subaru didn't want to kill Emilia and the others.
And yet, if he had to — if it truly came to that — he wanted to accomplish it in a single attempt.
Just once. Only once. For that, all he needed was a perfect plan.
"———"
As Subaru exhaled a deep breath, a pair of yellow eyes bored into him.
Looking up, he found the gaze belonged to a presence sharing the spirit room not as a sleeping girl but in an entirely different capacity —
Patrasche's stare, directed at the haggard Subaru, seemed tinged with worry and concern.
Perhaps this was the result of Beatrice's parting words before leaving: "Keep an eye on Subaru for me."
As long as Patrasche's eyes remained watchful, no matter how urgently the impatience drove him, Subaru could not commit such desecration upon the sleeping girl. On that point alone, he was grateful for Patrasche's presence — grateful that it had prevented him from making a rash decision.
And yet, even Patrasche — the one creature with whom he'd felt such singular, irreplaceable affection — Subaru found himself increasingly unable to extend honest trust after having read the Book of the Dead.
"…Is this all part of your plan too, '
The more Subaru wanted to believe, the more he wondered where that being's true intentions lay — and the more Natsuki Subaru became isolated, alone in this alien world without a single soul to turn to.
Perhaps that was precisely the devious game that evil "Natsuki Subaru" had laid out.
"———"
Bit by bit, the claw marks left by Meili were healing.
As he tasted the sensation of that pain receding, Subaru rolled up his sleeve and dug his fingernails into the grotesquely carved "Natsuki Subaru Is Here" scar that lay beneath the forming scab.
His own — no, not his own — the claw marks of that horrifying impersonator's crime could vanish for all he cared.
But the message hinting at the existence of a self that was not himself — that, he would not allow to fade.
"The message here too."
He gouged the wound on his left arm, then did the same to his right arm.
On that arm — streaked with the unfamiliar dark mottled pattern he still hadn't grown accustomed to — there was a wound that hadn't existed before. One Subaru had carved himself, like a reply to the message on his left arm.
There, it read: — The genuine question that Natsuki Subaru harbored, inscribed as a wound: *"What are you?"* "———"
And so, as he spared no regard for his own flesh and carved into himself, Subaru failed to notice —、 "———!"
That Patrasche was watching this act of self-harm with a look of anguish.
That even after Meili's wounds disappeared, an examination of Meili's own hands would reveal clear evidence that she had desperately resisted the person trying to kill her.
That the "perfect concealment" of Meili's murder he believed he'd achieved was built upon nothing but the shoddiest of cover-ups.
That a single gear out of place would bring the entire foundation crashing down.
Perched atop a tower of mechanical contraptions balanced on thin ice, desperately flailing to maintain his balance while averting his eyes from the root of the problem — that was the absurd clown Subaru had become.
But this clown's performance would, in the end, reach its curtain call without interruption.
Because —、 Fortunately,
※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ "———"
At the dinner table, the atmosphere between everyone gathered was oppressively heavy.
The greatest contributing factor was that Meili — whom half of them already acknowledged was in critical condition, far beyond the point of rescue — had not been discovered despite exhaustive searching.
Their numbers were slim for a search-and-rescue operation, but they had mobilized every available person and spent nearly half a day in vain.
It was only natural that frustration mounted and stress mounted in turn.
"Ever since coming to this tower, we've been striking out one after another."
"…I'd appreciate it if you said aloud what you've been thinking but keeping to yourself."
Subaru glared at Ram, who had voiced that increasingly weary observation while gnawing on what amounted to dried bread at dinner.
To Subaru's protesting stare, Ram merely shrugged with her trademark expressionless face. But even she, composed as ever, could not entirely shake the color of exhaustion.
This wasn't limited to Ram — everyone in the tower was in the same state.
"I did try going to ask Reid about it, but he said he hasn't seen anything. He complained that nobody's come by since yesterday and he's bored… I don't think he was lying. And Meili knew about Reid, so I don't think she would've gone to visit him alone."
"That antisocial brute — it's hard to believe he'd harm a girl of that age… though the fact that I can't say it with certainty is what's frightening. But Betty agrees with Emilia's assessment."
Emilia and Beatrice exchanged words about the red-haired, eyepatch-wearing guardian of the second floor.
Subaru only had painful memories of that man, but Emilia had gone for a preliminary inquiry and apparently returned unharmed.
Feeling a measure of relief at that, Subaru then shook his head.
He had no reason — no right, even — to feel relieved about something like that.
Not when he wasn't even sure Emilia herself had the right to be relieved for him.
"…Mind if I say something? I'm prepared to be called cold-hearted for this suggestion."
It was Echidna who raised her hand as the tasteless soup was drained and the meager dinner drew to a close.
She narrowed her eyes and directed her ashen-blue gaze at everyone in the room.
"Regarding the search for the girl, Meili — I believe we should call it off after today and resume our efforts to advance the tower starting tomorrow. What do you think?"
"———! We can't do that! We don't know what Meili might be going through right now!"
"By now, she no longer has the capacity to think or to feel. That has been confirmed by the Book of the Dead that Natsuki-kun read. I am opposed to continuing the search."
Emilia was the first to recoil at Echidna's pragmatic — one might even say cold-blooded — proposal. But her objection was purely emotional, and Echidna's expression did not waver.
However, before the speechless Emilia, Beatrice interjected with a cool "Wait a moment, perhaps."
"Your argument may sound reasonable on the surface. But it also sounds rather rushed, does it not? Why are you so eager to abandon the search for Meili?"
"…Is it really so strange? Our food supplies are limited, and the longer our stay, the greater the burden on the members of both camps. If our schedule drags on considerably, they may need to divert personnel for our search."
"Of course. Lady Emilia and Lady Anastasia — I know they're different on the inside now, but both are of noble standing befitting the royal selection. They have no business staying in a tower in the middle of this desert."
Starting with Echidna's proposal, Beatrice and Ram began displaying an attitude that was, in its own way, equally detached.
A rational proposal served as a catalyst for even colder opinions, and tension was steadily filling the atmosphere of the dinner gathering.
"This is gettin' reeeal unpleasant~ I'm fine either way, but if things are gonna get ugly, I'd rather it happen somewhere away from me and Master, 'kay? I'm gonna build a happy home with Master, just the two of us. First a girl, then a boy, then another boy~"
Subaru had no composure left to respond to Shaula's flippant remark as she stuck out her tongue and slid over to sit beside him. He had his own thoughts about the attitude she'd shown in the library.
At that final moment, when she'd forced him to choose — what had Shaula wanted to hear him say? She called him Master and acted as though she adored him, so how far — — How far would she follow his orders?
"Your argument should end here."
It was Julius who cut through the hostile atmosphere, his handsome features etched with anguish.
He extended his arm before Echidna, then bowed his head courteously toward Beatrice and Ram.
"Lady Beatrice, Lady Ram. I apologize on behalf of our camp for Echidna's thoughtless remark. However, I ask that you do not misunderstand. She did not make that suggestion for no reason whatsoever — it was not motivated solely by pragmatism."
"Julius, enough. That matter is—"
"Lady Emilia and the others may have already lost the girl who accompanied them. They have shown us their wound. In turn, we must show our sincerity."
Julius's earnest words silenced any further objection from Echidna. With that, he turned back to face Beatrice and the others.
"Currently, Lady Anastasia's body serves as a vessel for the spirit Echidna. It is true that no method has been found to awaken Lady Anastasia from this state… but there is another issue. — Echidna is sustaining herself by consuming Anastasia's od."
"Od…? So she's been depleting it this whole time? Ever since Anastasia stopped waking up — just like that?"
"…I see. So that's why she's in such a hurry to advance the tower and borrow the Sage's wisdom."
The secret Echidna had been hiding was revealed by Julius, and Emilia and the others showed open shock.
Having their own confidant expose the inner truth, Echidna herself merely shrugged wearily.
"There's no point in trying to cover it up now. Julius is right. I'm not comfortable with this situation — with myself depleting what little od Ana has left, simply by existing as I am. If possible, I'd return her body to her as soon as possible. Even if it means one second sooner."
"You'd give up — a human body, even one you're free in?"
"Even if Ana's body were free, my own heart would remain bound. I don't know how much you'll trust me when I say this, but—"
Echidna paused, taking a breath before continuing.
"The proper being should reside within the proper vessel. Even borrowing the outer shell alone — if the contents don't match, it shows. It becomes unnatural. — And that is a truly wretched thing."
"———!"
Those words, spoken as Echidna gazed downward and cursed her own existence, struck with devastating force against Subaru's heart — the heart of a man who had merely been listening absentmindedly.
Borrowing only the outer shell, when the contents don't match. — That pierced his heart with a terrible, crushing weight.
"In any case, that is why I want to hurry the tower's advancement. If you truly can't believe me, have Beatrice examine this body. The extreme od depletion and just how twisted I am as a spirit should become immediately apparent."
Oblivious to Subaru's inner turmoil and the pain carved by her unwitting words, Echidna entrusted the proof of her position to another.
True to the suggestion, Beatrice took Echidna's arm and probed into her body — and whatever the mechanism, Echidna's words were confirmed to be the truth.
And upon receiving that result —、 "…Understood. I know about Echidna's and Anastasia's difficult circumstances now. And that we need to hurry up the tower."
"I don't know if this will offer any comfort, but if the tower truly contains the omniscient 'Sage's' wisdom — and its secrets — it may help us locate the missing girl as well. I know this sounds like a cowardly way to put it, but—"
"No, thank you. It's better than having no hope at all. — You were thinking of both me and Meili, weren't you?"
"…Perhaps. Or maybe I'm just looking out for myself and Ana."
At Emilia's willingness to accept the reasoning, Echidna looked away with a grimace.
Emilia narrowed her violet eyes, took a breath, and made her declaration.
"I'm really worried about Meili. But I understand Echidna's thinking. So starting tomorrow, we'll do what we can to push forward up the tower. Of course, I intend to keep searching for Meili as much as possible, but…"
"But if that causes the tower's advancement to fall by the wayside, that would be putting the cart before the horse, Lady Emilia."
"I know that. — I have to think for myself about what matters, when it matters."
Emilia pressed her hand to her cheek, resolve burning in her eyes as she admonished herself.
Then she turned to Subaru, who had been observing the situation from the side. For a moment, the intensity of her gaze was almost overwhelming, but the words she spoke were no accusation.
"Subaru, you're okay with that too?"
"That… I think that's the right call. It's what Meili would want… well, not exactly — why are you asking *me*?"
"Because you read Meili's book, right? And when I saw your reaction right after reading it… I figured you'd be the most worried about her."
Emilia pressed the point, and Subaru's breath caught.
Looking around, he saw that Emilia wasn't the only one watching him. Beatrice, Ram, Echidna, Julius — all of them had their eyes on him.
He couldn't muster the mental faculties to decipher what intent lay behind those gazes.
And without deciphering them, he yielded to the self-serving instinct coiled within him and parted his lips.
"…I am worried. But I don't think Meili would want us to stand still either."
Probably only so that he could utter the most hollow, superficial words in the entire world.
※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ — Late into the night, Subaru finally began to move within his newly freed window of action.
"———"
After dinner and the finalization of their plan for the next day, the group had decided to each contribute their ideas for conquering the second floor, then set about preparing bedding to spend the night.
It was the night of an unexpected crisis befalling one of their companions.
Unsurprisingly, everyone was advised to share a single sleeping area for the night. Makeshift partitions of blankets were set up, but the men and women still shared the same space.
Only Subaru, amid all of this, insisted on sleeping in the spirit room.
His excuse was the aftereffects of reading the Book of the Dead.
In truth, everyone had witnessed Subaru's state immediately after reading it, so his request didn't draw much pushback. Of course, Beatrice was particularly reluctant about letting him sleep alone, but the spirit room had a capacity limit.
When Subaru, voice trembling, complained that his head was heavy, Beatrice relented and withdrew her objection.
This owed less to his acting ability than to the fact that he genuinely looked terrible.
Honestly, Subaru was aware that his condition was in a state of absolute ruin — so bad that he was almost surprised he hadn't collapsed.
*'Meili wouldn't want us to stand still either. — Quite the actor, aren't you?'* "———"
*'Ohohoho, don't get angry. I'm not being sarcastic. I'm genuinely praising you because I believe that.'* During dinner he'd been surprisingly quiet, but Subaru's brazen declaration must have hit just the right nerve, because the phantom was now in high spirits, replaying that scene over and over.
The trouble with a hallucination as an interlocutor was that plugging your ears was pointless — and even if you refused to listen, her honeyed voice would still force upon you the unbearable sensation of nails scratching against a chalkboard.
*'So tonight, the blue-haired lady's neck is off the table?'* "———"
Having bided his time well past midnight before acting, Subaru found the phantom layering meaning over the presence of the sleeping princess in his room.
It was the same temptation as hours ago, and Subaru's answer was the same as it had been hours ago.
"It's not this girl's turn yet."
With that, Subaru didn't so much as glance at the sleeping girl's face as he left the room.
He briefly made eye contact with Patrasche, who had cracked one eye open, but he managed to slip past with nothing more than a finger to his lips and a gesture that said *keep this between us.* He wasn't sure how much of his intent the lizard could actually grasp, but Patrasche had always struck him as more intelligent than most dogs or horses. He could only hope the dragon would keep silent.
"———"
The reason Subaru moved in the dead of night, after having arranged to be alone in advance — was *not* to take the lives of his sleeping companions and set the Book of the Dead plan into motion.
Of course, he had thoroughly considered that option. For Subaru to carry out the plan, a surprise attack would be ideal — and what better opportunity than while they slept?
But it was too early to execute that. It was the final resort, to be saved for when all other options had been exhausted — an act that violated every bond of human decency.
So then — why had Subaru ventured out into the night?
It was because —、 *'Can you do something about my body?'* The voice of a girl, as though standing behind him, posed the question by reading the direction of his advance.
Subaru did not answer, but his footsteps themselves served as an affirmation of the question.
— The body of Meili, which he had hidden, needed to be disposed of, and it was for that purpose that Subaru was on the move.
"———"
Call it a strange turn of events, or simply a stroke of fortune — either way, that was all there was to it.
The reason Meili's body hadn't been found by Emilia's search party today was less the work of divine providence and more the result of demonic scheming, given the way the wind had blown.
When he looked back, the shoddy cover-up riddled with holes for handling an unexpected crisis was laid bare, and he wanted to curse his own slow wits.
By sheer luck, the body hadn't been found. He'd been saved by that. But from tomorrow onward, while devoting their efforts to advancing the tower, there was no telling when that which had conveniently gone missing might be conveniently discovered.
At the very least, Emilia had not given up the search for Meili.
That relentlessly optimistic girl who'd never known a day of hardship — she would almost certainly continue searching for the missing girl right up until her spirit was broken by some definitive revelation.
Therefore, Subaru needed peace of mind.
Without a foundation, nothing could be built. Without a foundation, the cornerstone of a future could not be laid. Without a cornerstone, a future could never be completed.
For the sake of Natsuki Subaru's peace of mind, the existence of Meili Portroute was an obstacle.
*'Having your head buzzing with all these thoughts — it's even worse now… is that it?'* He refused to listen. He had just declared, in no uncertain terms, that she was a hindrance. He rejected her flatly.
And so, Subaru crept through the nighttime shadows until he reached the room where he'd hidden Meili's body.
It was in an area of similar-looking rooms, but the stone wall near the entrance bore a discoloration that served as an easy landmark.
"Honestly, I don't feel great about this…"
Ideally, he would carry the body outside the tower and into the desert, burying it in the sand.
If left inside the building for several more days, decomposition would advance. The temperature wasn't especially high or low, but a body that had ceased all biological function could not escape decay.
If he truly wished to never lay eyes on it again, the best course would be to move it as far from the tower as possible, even at considerable risk, and leave it as feed for the magical beasts roaming outside.
But even imagining it made his conscience recoil. No matter what, that was too far.
"———"
Deep in the dim room, a rectangular block of stone sat squat, and behind it was where the body was hidden.
It was an intentionally crude hiding place — one you'd never overlook if you actually looked. Ashamed of his own panic, Subaru rounded to the back of the stone block.
And there, after roughly half a day, lay Meili's remains —、 "…What?"
The word escaped before he could stop it.
His mind simply refused to process the scene before his eyes.
Behind the stone block — there was nothing.
The girl's body — the one he'd crossed her arms over her chest and closed her eyes on as a small gesture of care. The wretched sight of her neck bearing dark purple bruises. She was nowhere.
"W-Why… she was right here…"
She had been.
He hadn't mistaken the room. He hadn't made some careless mistake like that.
He hadn't. And yet the corpse that should have been here — where had it gone?
— Where had the body of Meili Portroute vanished to?
"Sneaking around in the dead of night like this — were you looking for something, Barusu?"
"———!?"
Subaru froze, his blood turning cold at the voice from behind. He turned around with dread.
In his ashen face's line of sight, a single shadow stood in the narrow room's entrance.
Pink hair that fell just past her shoulders, sharp and rational light-pink eyes, a countenance both dignified and lovely — gazing at him with cold detachment, the girl — Ram stood with her arms folded, possessing an almost magnificent grace.
Harboring that strangely inappropriate sentiment, Subaru remained rigid as Ram narrowed her eyes and spoke in a voice devoid of warmth.
"Or should I say an impostor. The failed version of you — of Natsuki Subaru."