"From what I saw from up above, you're something else. ...You're seriously crazy, you know that?"
The curly-haired girl already seated in the dining hall—the breakfast venue they'd been led to while Subaru was still locked in a joint lock—said that in lieu of a greeting.
Still rubbing his sore elbow, Subaru scowled dramatically and fired back.
"What are you spouting, you little loli?"
"What is that word? I've never heard it, but I get a distinctly unpleasant feeling just from hearing it."
"It means too young to be a romance option. I'm not really into the younger-type thing."
"...The fact that you can speak this rudely to Betty is, in a way, rather pathetic."
She said it with a pitying expression, leaning back in her chair with a sigh. Then she picked up a glass from the table and let the amber-colored liquid slip smoothly down her throat.
The vessel was shaped close to a wine glass. Surely the contents couldn't be... alcohol?
Meeting Subaru's skeptical gaze, the girl smiled enigmatically and pointed the glass toward him.
"What? Could it be you'd like a sip?"
"Huh? But that'd be an indirect kiss. Aren't you speeding through the events a little fast?"
"If I was trying to tease you out of spite, what is this innocent reaction of yours?! It's making ME embarrassed!"
She was the one who ended up flustered and growling at Subaru, who was timidly pressing his index fingers together.
With just the two of them in the spacious dining hall, they could do as they pleased. A large table draped in a white cloth occupied the center, with nearly ten chairs lined up from the head seat at the far end to the lower seats at the near end.
Several seats already had place settings, so one of them was presumably Subaru's. Logically, it would be one of the lower seats, but— "I think I'll go ahead and sit at one of the upper seats."
"That's quite the choice. It's obviously wrong, you know?"
"Hehehe, isn't this where
"A high-level pervert, are you?! Disgusting doesn't even begin to cover it!"
Subaru had plenty he wanted to say, but the girl's deadpan, tsukkomi attitude made her simply too tempting to mess with. He couldn't help wanting to pull outrageous stunts just to see her reaction.
"These actions of mine absolutely don't represent my true intentions, heheh."
"Completely unconvincing, especially that laugh at the end. ...We're getting nowhere here!"
The girl pressed her forehead and shook her head. Subaru spun in his seat, heating himself up through friction with his hip as a pivot.
"At least I didn't counter-attack. That was pretty rough, you know?"
Recalling their first meeting where he'd been knocked out, Subaru waved his arms and legs around to show his displeasure. Remembering how thoroughly he'd been defeated in that mysterious library, he nodded.
"Come to think of it, the number of times I've lost consciousness in just two days is getting ridiculous. I'm spending more time passed out than awake... Wait, that's basically the same as my shut-in days."
If anything, he'd been even lazier back then.
Watching Subaru tilt his head with a puzzled expression, the girl wore a look like she was suppressing a yawn.
"Because you pried open that gate, all your mana spilled out in a gush. It would've been a waste to let it go to waste, so I drank it all for you. You should be grateful."
"The spill was your fault in the first place! Telling me to be grateful after you broke the vessel in the first place is so brazen you might as well be boiling tea with your navel while heating up a bath—living it up in total luxury!"
The girl brushed off Subaru's complaints with an annoyed expression and tilted her glass again. Being so brazenly alcohol-dumped on took even the energy out of his comebacks.
A little girl drinking alcohol as if it were the most natural thing in the world. What a deplorable state of affairs.
"And then the young girl learns to party, spends money lavishly, and before you know it, she's in an arranged marriage as a teenager... Big bro, this is so sad I could cry!"
"I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't turn Betty into the heroine of some grand tragedy without my permission."
"From where I'm standing, you're the dumb protagonist of a crummy cell-phone novel."
He'd gone through a phase of voraciously reading them to kill time, but the gap between hits and misses was staggering. His mastery of gal-moji text also came from around that same period.
Probably unable to parse what Subaru was talking about, the girl grimaced with distaste and lightly tapped the table with a finger.
"Well, whatever. More importantly—do you have nothing to say to Betty in thanks?"
"Thanks? Like, 'thank you for verbally abusing a precious real-life loli'? That's not exactly considered a reward in my world, you know. ...Well, it is, but not just anyone qualifies!"
"Why are YOU getting angry?! Betty is the one who should be angry! Who was it that saved your near-dead self—"
The girl's voice trailed off as Subaru responded with a confused "Huh?" But before she could give a clear answer, the dining hall doors opened.
"Pardon us, sir. We shall be serving the meal."
"Pardon. We'll be setting out the dishes and tea."
Pushing carts ahead of them, twin maids entered the dining hall.
The blue-haired one pushed a cart carrying a salad and bread—a conventional breakfast spread—while the pink-haired one pushed one loaded with plates and forks.
The two split to opposite sides of the table and began laying everything out with brisk efficiency. Their seamless coordination dressed the dining table, and the warm aroma made Subaru's stomach rumble involuntarily.
"Oho, now we're talking. A proper noble's spread. ...I was worried it'd be nothing but weird otherworldly fare."
Since it was another world, he'd been bracing for a vastly different cuisine. For all he knew, insects could have been the main course in this world.
If that had turned out to be the case, Subaru would've had no choice but to renounce the world and sever all ties with society.
"Seriously, bugs are where I draw the line. Why do those things even exist? I can't figure out their shape or their way of life. The only purpose they serve is getting smashed by kids so they can learn to value life, right?"
"If you bully the weak, then when you become weak yourself, the strong will bully you in the same way. There is significance in learning that lesson. Be quiet, won't you, little weakling?"
As if deciding to play the part of an elegant little girl, she delivered an overly theatrical response to put him in her place.
That air of sophistication grated on Subaru, and combined with his hunger, his irritation reached its peak.
"I've fi-nally reached my limit of patience!"
"You lack all elegance. Can't you wait with a bit more grace and decorum?"
"I don't need to hear that from a drinking toddler! Here, let me at it! Let me at it!"
Picking up the knife and fork, Subaru clanged them together with all the etiquette of a wild animal—and even the girl's patience finally snapped. The hand that set down the glass warped the air, channeling some manner of supernatural energy as she prepared to point it at Subaru— But before that arcane hand could reach him— "Oh my, what a lively one. That's gooood, that's gooood."
The pervert appeared with a beaming face.
He'd changed out of his going-out attire, replacing the formal clothing from earlier with a new outfit. The collar was grotesquely colorful and oversized—a jarringly tasteless ensemble. A clownish appearance matched by his unchanging eccentric demeanor.
Indeed, without a shadow of a doubt, a true pervert.
Roswaal watched Subaru banging out a beat on the cutlery with a gleeful expression, then noticed the girl quietly sipping from her glass and raised an eyebrow.
"Oh my,
"One happy person over there is quite enough. Betty is only here to eat with Nee-chan."
She bluntly shut down Roswaal's beaming smile, and the girl—Beatrice—shifted her gaze behind him. There, following the tall figure who'd entered, stood Emilia, and within her silver hair— "Nee-chan!"
The girl sprang from her seat and came running, her long skirt fluttering behind her. A bloom of a smile lit up her face, filled with a charm so endearing it made you forget her bratty demeanor from moments ago.
Finally acting her age, the girl drew a reaction from the gray cat buried in the silver hair. He poked his face out, his expression softening.
"Yo. Betty, it's been two days. You been well-mannered and staying out of trouble?"
"Betty's been looking forward to seeing Nee-chan. You don't have any plans to go anywhere today, do you?"
"Yeah, we're good. How about we take it easy for once today?"
"Yay!"
Subaru was watching the harmonious pair in surprise when Emilia came up beside him with a wry smile.
"Surprised, weren't you? Beatrice is always clinging to Puck."
"Surprised isn't the word. What's up with that loli's attitude? Aren't you laying it on a bit thick, playing all sweet in front of a cat?"
"Sorry. I kind of have no idea what you're saying."
She cut him off flatly, then tilted her head with a puzzled "Hmm?" and pointed at the upper seat where Subaru was sitting.
"That seat is..."
"Ah! Right, you know how they say a cold chair chills your heart? Well, I'm currently running a 'let me be your blanket to heal that cold, drafty heart' campaign! So I went and warmed the seat up for you! It's not like I was aiming for an indirect sit-down or anything!"
"Sorry, I still don't get what you're saying... That's Roswaal's seat, you know?"
His excuses brushed aside so casually and his doom delivered matter-of-factly, Subaru's knees buckled.
Collapsing into a heap, he gritted his teeth, aware of his own blunder.
Come to think of it, it was only natural for the master of the house to sit at the head of the table. To be blinded by an immediate result and make such a blunder—what amateurish folly.
Greenhorn of the Year.
"But I'm the kind of guy who doesn't get up for free after a fall. In that case... yes, in that case, I'll put my faith in tomorrow!!"
"Also, you don't have to give up your seat for me or anything. It's kind of gross."
"God is dead—!"
At last, Subaru struck the ground in tears.
Utterly broken, convinced there was no hope left in the world, no future— —until someone suddenly tapped his shoulder gently. The warmth radiating from that palm filled Subaru with relief and solace as he looked up. There, shining before him, was hope— "I'll be helping myself to that warmth of yours."
Hearing the handsome man say that, Subaru spat on the chair without a shred of hesitation.
"If my butt's residual heat is going to get desecrated, I'd rather do this!"
"Oh my, a snap decision to catch me off guard—wonderful! But, here you go."
Roswaal laughed heartily, then casually raised a finger toward the chair. His eyes went to the spit, and after confirming it was there, he snapped that raised finger— Right before Subaru's eyes, the spit vanished.
"Whoa!?"
Unable to believe what he'd seen, Subaru instinctively reached out toward the seat.
He felt not even a trace of liquid—only the chair, still faintly radiating heat.
"It... evaporated?"
All he could deduce from the heat of the chair and the disappearance of the spit was that conclusion.
At Subaru's deduction, Roswaal let out an admiring whistle.
"Oh my, you figured it out. That was me interfering with a minuscule amount of fire mana—raising the temperature of just that spot to its flash point instantaneously."
"What, you make that sound like it's no big deal... Could it be you're not just some ordinary pervert after all?"
"Whatever you think, he's the
Unable to properly digest her words, Subaru stared at Roswaal while muttering "Chief Court Magician" in a stiff, syllable-by-syllable monotone, as if sounding out a foreign title for the first time.
Roswaal responded to Subaru's blank stare with a pose, spinning around unasked for. Comparing that behavior to the title just mentioned—the words and the actions didn't quite add up.
"...You don't look convinced."
"Whaaat? Of course I believe you! There! I just believed it! I totally believe you!"
"It's not like it matters enough for me to press the point anyway."
Emilia gave up on convincing him almost immediately. In her short time with Subaru, she seemed to have learned that the best way to defuse his unstoppable nonsense was simply not to engage.
Left alone to discover fresh amusement, Subaru watched Emilia sit down in a chair at a different position from the upper seat. That was probably her usual spot.
Deciding no more participants would be joining the breakfast, Subaru sized up the remaining seats—excluding the upper seat, Emilia's chair, and Beatrice's for good measure—as likely candidates for his own. They were all awkward positions, away from the head seat and somewhat removed from Emilia as well.
Trying to make full use of a big table probably meant some unevenly distributed seats were inevitable, but— "This just isn't fun at all, hey."
Muttering that, Subaru collected the tableware set at the assigned seat. With the clatter of ceramic dishes, he began to move—to, of course, "Hey?"
"It's fine, it's fine, trust your buddy."
"Who?!"
Emilia shot Subaru a bewildered look as he relocated to the seat beside her.
Undeterred by her response, Subaru moved his salad and bread over as well. Having successfully commandeered the seat beside her, he grinned.
"Isn't this better? Rather than eating apart, let's sit together as neighbors. You can even dump the veggies you hate onto my plate, no problem."
"Then I'll put the peppers on your—wait, no, it's the manners."
"Worrying about that and not being able to enjoy your food—doesn't that defeat the purpose? Besides, eating next to a girl is always tastier. Non-negotiable. What do you think, Rozza?"
He said this with a smile to Emilia, who had pushed the dark green vegetables to the edge of her plate, apparently disliking them, then turned to Roswaal, who had been watching their exchange with interest.
At being addressed, he pointed at himself. "Could it be that you're talking about me?"
"Who else would it be? Rozza. Suits you—it's got a nice ring to it."
At his nod of confirmation, Roswaal gave a pleasant laugh, then turned to Emilia, who looked somewhat put out.
"That's perfectly fine, Emilia-sama. Etiquette is important, but worrying too much when it's only family present will just keep you from enjoying the meal. Ah, he's quite right."
Deeming that declaration the final word from the master of the mansion, Emilia sighed in resignation, and
"Then, let us eat. —O trees, O winds, O stars, O Mother Earth."
Roswaal clasped his hands, closed his eyes, and began murmuring something. Emilia and the twins followed suit. Beatrice, having returned to her seat, merely had her eyes closed, but once Subaru realized it was a pre-meal prayer, he hurriedly mimicked their gestures.
He was genuinely impressed that something resembling a Christian prayer was universal, even across worlds.
From their earnest devotion, Roswaal and Emilia might actually be more devout than one would have guessed. The twins' familiarity with the gestures spoke to years of practice. Beatrice, on the other hand, was far too casual and sloppy about it.
"Well then, Subaru-kun. Do dig in. For all appearances, Rem's cooking is quite something."
Prompted by Roswaal, Subaru realized the prayer had ended at some point and hurriedly joined the meal. The menu appeared to be a salad and some toast-like affair—bread topped with what looked like ham. Rather vague description on his part, but it struck him as a fairly standard Western breakfast spread.
Up close, nothing looked off, and Subaru was at least relieved by that. Thankful that no otherworldly ingredients had shown up, he bit into the toast-like item.
"Mm... better than average."
When he looked up and gave his verdict, the blue-haired maid waiting by the table made a fox sign with her fingers. He had no idea what it meant, but maybe it was this world's version of a peace sign. In return, Subaru made a frog with both hands.
"This food was made by the blue-haired one... uh, Rem, is it? Rem?"
"Yes, that is correct, sir. Rem is primarily responsible for meals in this household. Our sister is not particularly skilled in that regard."
"Aha, so you twins have different specialty skills. So the pink-haired one's bad at cooking but good at cleaning and such?"
"Yes, precisely. Among household chores, sister is best at cleaning and laundry."
"So Rem is good at cooking, but bad at cleaning and laundry?"
"No, Rem is essentially skilled at all household tasks. Including cleaning and laundry. More so than my sister."
"The pink-haired one's entire reason for existing has been erased!?"
One twin who was skilled at everything around the house, and one who was only good at cleaning—yet even that paled next to her sister's abilities. In a way, it was a new kind of twin dynamic.
It was a rather harsh thing to say, but Ram, sitting next to Rem, didn't seem bothered in the least. If she offered no correction, it must have been true—yet her unshakable composure was a whole other matter.
"Or maybe it's a different field. Ram's more of a fighter-class... wait, a night-shift type!? Man, tonight I'm hungry for all sorts of things!"
"Sister, sister. The guest is harboring improper suspicions about you."
"Rem, Rem. The guest is making a spectacle of himself."
At Subaru's rosy delusions, the twins clasped hands and put on a theatrical display of despair.
Watching their exchange, Roswaal chuckled.
"You're a fine one, you. Ram and Rem both have such strong personalities that first-time guests tend to keep their distance, you know."
"When the master is this riddled with quirks, the servants' quirks hardly matter. Besides, it's fantasy—I'm willing to let anything slide right now."
"They are unquestionably capable. It's just that many people fail to see that."
It was Emilia who interjected. Sipping her soup little by little, she continued in a somewhat brusque tone.
"In fact, the two of them are incredible. They practically manage this entire mansion on their own. All this nonsense about their race—it's stupid."
"You've got some pretty complicated feelings about it, huh."
Subaru said that to Emilia, whose eyes burned with righteous indignation, then gathered the trailing threads of her words and raised a question.
"Wait, Emilia-tan, you just said something about there only being two servants in the mansion?"
"Oh my, that's true at present. Ram and Rem are all that's left."
"Only two people managing this enormous mansion—that's insane, isn't it? Forget quality, they're going to keel over from overwork. ...Or is there some kind of restriction, like 'servants can't be hired' or something?"
At Subaru's question, Roswaal fell silent for a moment, clasping his hands on the table. His face maintained its smile, but the emotion in his eyes as they met Subaru's had clearly shifted.
Sensing the ominous sound of a flag being planted—that he might have asked something dangerous—Subaru bit into the apple dessert he'd been waiting for.
The sweet fruit flooded his mouth with a gentle, tingling warmth.