Hearing
What he sensed from Emilia's halting words was affection and gratitude for the people she had spent time with in the Elior Great Forest. That sentiment then shifted dramatically at the boundary of that snowy day, transitioning into the memory of having her listen to feelings of hatred and resentment.
What the people trapped within the ice had been thinking during that frozen time, he didn't know. But the happy, warm time that should have certainly existed for Emilia had been coldly and impermanently sealed away within thick ice, and still showed no signs of thawing.
"...Why did those people direct such words at Emilia? If what I'm gathering from the story is correct, then the one who froze that forest under ice was... Emilia, which makes it logical. But could a young child like you really possess the power to cause such an extraordinary phenomenon?"
"I—don't know. Back then, I was much more naive than I am now. I didn't know what I could or couldn't do, and I was just always relying on everyone's kindness. But... even now, I don't have the power to freeze a forest all by myself without
"If Puck were here, would you be able to?"
"———"
When Subaru pressed the anxious question, Emilia silently gave a slight nod.
It was probably a passive affirmation born from fear that she would be misunderstood as the one who froze the forest. There was no need for her to think that.
It wasn't favoritism, but purely a matter of sequence.
"You don't need to look so worried; I'm not misunderstanding. Emilia met Puck long after the Great Forest was frozen... it was over a hundred years later, wasn't it? The ice, Puck, and Emilia—the order was all mixed up."
"Y-Yes... that's right..."
When Subaru pre-emptively stated that he understood, Emilia nodded with an expression that was more stiff than simply relieved.
Suppressing the urge to frown at that reaction, Subaru instructed his facial muscles to maintain composure and clasped his hands in front of Emilia.
The faint sense of dissonance had been present even as he listened to Emilia's fragmented words up until now. But at this precise moment, this was the strongest feeling of dissonance he had ever experienced.
It was only natural. Until now,
Having lost the qualification to take the "Trial" at the Graveyard, this was now the test to see if he still held the qualification to be by Emilia's side, beside her, at her front.
"In the Graveyard's 'Trial,' I came to understand the scenery Emilia was seeing. ...Then, conversely, what do you think you need to do to overcome it?"
"That's... hmm."
Emilia's gaze drifted. It wasn't hesitation about answering, but rather the reaction of someone who hadn't yet found a clear name or shape for the answer buried within the ambiguity.
Emilia lacked a clear vision for breaking through the "Trial." This was her first challenge, and from her perspective, she had suddenly been confronted with a long-standing issue and was being asked for a perfect answer to it.
Originally, the first "Trial" of the Graveyard, as
Whether affirming or denying it, providing an answer was the breakthrough.
Emilia was accepting the reality of having been rejected by those she was close to as a painful memory. Perhaps cutting ties with that was the condition for breaking through the first "Trial"?
How could one sever the ties with the past left behind—how could that be accomplished?
Subaru couldn't present Emilia with a definitive answer. But because he had, in his own way, overcome the first "Trial" and even touched upon the second, he understood something. Because he had gained even a glimpse into the character of the being named Echidna, he understood something.
The "Trial" probably does not present a challenge that is impossible for the challenger to overcome.
Given Echidna's purpose in forcing the "Trial," that was only natural.
What Echidna desired was the treasure of a result that satisfied her curiosity, and that treasure shone brightest when the "Trial" was overcome. At the very least, that was how the
For that result, there simply needed to be either an affirmation or a denial from the challenger.
In other words, Emilia met the conditions for clearing the Graveyard's "Trial." If she could discover that condition and bring it forth regarding her past, that would surely be the answer.
If anything, the problem lay not with the "Trial" itself—.
"Even if you take on the challenge without finding some answer to it, the result will surely be the same."
"Subaru... what do you think?"
"............"
"About what I just said... the 'Trial,' my past, and... what do you think about hearing that? Do you have any ideas about what I should do? What on earth should I do...?"
For hours on end, likely since last night, after the "Trial" ended and they returned to this temporary lodging, she had been repeating this question to herself, her sleeping time even consumed by it.
In a whirlpool of thought so exhausting it was akin to fainting.
"A little while ago, you said you wanted to thaw the ice and convey your gratitude to everyone, right?"
"Yeah."
"Why do you want to do that?"
After the harsh treatment she should have received from those people she was close to...
After they sank beneath the ice, why did Emilia find meaning in saving them?
"The last memory you have of them is being rejected by them, right? They hurled terrible words at you, words of resentment... yet you still want to save them?"
Subaru... if I were to say terrible things to you right here, right now, would you no longer think of saving me?"
"———"
He faltered involuntarily.
Emilia's violet eyes gazed back at Subaru with earnestness. Only the wavering within her weakness had vanished from the eyes delivering this answer.
"While being with everyone, the last feeling I had was painful, but... that final moment didn't erase all the time I spent with them before that. There were lots of good memories between us too, you know."
"............"
"I can't just forget that and decide that all I have are memories of being hurt by them, and dismiss everything like that. I want to help them all out, and laugh together with them again... it's greedy, I know, but that's what I think."
After saying it, Emilia pressed her hand to her own mouth, glancing at Subaru's expression.
Her expression looked to Subaru as if she had inadvertently voiced the ugly ambition within herself, and was terrified of being scorned for it.
Looking at Emilia, so anxious in that way, Subaru thought.
Was her way of life such that she couldn't help but view that wish as greedy?
"Subaru?"
"No, I was just thinking... that's exactly what Emilia means."
Even if the last time they interacted he felt like he was being killed, the bonds and memories built up until then hadn't vanished.
Even though being killed by
Just as Subaru felt that way, so did Emilia—it was that simple.
"———"
And then, immediately after feeling that sense of relief, Subaru noticed the greatest dissonance yet.
At his oversight, so staggering it was astonishing.
"Subaru?"
Looking at Subaru, whose face had gone stiff, Emilia's eyes wavered with confusion. Even though he knew he was causing her such anxiety, Subaru couldn't seem to regain his composure. Because, —Within Emilia, the answer regarding the past events was already there.
"———"
The elves who had spent their days with her within the ice of the Elior Great Forest were slumbering. Emilia recalled the past of the day the forest was covered in snow, and despite having the spear of malice aimed at the people she believed in, she had definitively stated she wanted to save them and convey her gratitude.
That was a definitive answer to the past she wanted to turn away from.
If Subaru's decision to acknowledge his own past foolishness and bid farewell to his parents was considered meeting the condition to break through the first "Trial," then Emilia's determination should also be judged as a precious decision worthy of the same.
Yet, the "Trial" refused to recognize her as having met the condition.
He wondered if it was because he had awakened her and interrupted the "Trial," but in past loops too, after the first day—except for the times he had interrupted Emilia's "Trial"—she had never succeeded in breaking through it.
Was the answer Emilia gave to the presented "Trial" inappropriate?
"But that's..."
If Echidna was the one handing down the "Trial's" judgment, was it up to the Witch's whims whether or not she liked the answer given? But Echidna's stance valued the act of giving an answer, not the content of the answer itself.
Denying whatever answer the challenger gave wasn't like her. It wasn't like her, but—if there was a possibility that Echidna would refuse to accept only Emilia's answer, Subaru could think of a reason.
But admitting that made his heart ache.
To admit that meant establishing the conjecture that only Emilia would absolutely never be able to break through this "Trial."
"I can't admit that... Please, Echidna."
"Subaru, what's wrong? Did I say something strange again?"
"No, the problem isn't with Emilia. If there is a problem, it's with the one setting the trial. ...You said you wanted to thaw the ice and save everyone, but couldn't that ice be melted? You lived in the forest with just Puck until Roswaal brought you out, didn't you? You must have had plenty of time to challenge it."
Knowing it was a cruel question, Subaru threw the words out.
To ask her to do that after hearing about Emilia's past was no different than choosing to have her break the ice seal with her own hands and expose her once more to the hatred of the liberated people.
Emilia herself must have gone through that torment many times. Her eyes downcast, fingernail marks from her own gripping hands visible on her arms.
"I tried many times, with Puck's help... but the ice wouldn't melt."
"Wouldn't melt—was it a mental problem? Or a physical one..."
If it was a mental problem, Subaru had no intention of blaming her.
Anyone would find it difficult to act knowing it would hurt their heart.
But Emilia weakly responded to his question with, "It was probably a physical problem."
"That ice was special... no matter how hard you tried from the outside, it wouldn't melt. You had to deal with the sorcerer who froze it, or find some even greater means... so, I accepted Roswaal's proposal."
"Proposal...?"
"Ah..."
At Subaru's frowning reaction, Emilia looked as if she had said something she shouldn't have, covering her mouth with her hand.
But under Subaru's gaze, which simply continued without looking away, Emilia quickly slumped her shoulders.
"Roswaal... made me a promise."
"———"
"He told me to bring the insignia, let him place it in my hand... and after confirming the gem glowed red, he spoke of the Royal Selection, and then... he said this."
Was the fact that there was an Emilia in the forest whose insignia would glow, one who held the qualification of a Royal Selection candidate, something foretold in the Gospel?
It was a back-and-forth where Roswaal's eerie smile seemed to float before his eyes—in the imagination, Roswaal reaching out his hand to Emilia said: "—If you could obtain the throne, it should be possible to melt the ice of this forest as well."
"...Did you believe that?"
"With a desperate hope, yes. I wasn't told the details of how to melt it... but I accepted his proposal and left the forest with Roswaal. Puck... didn't oppose what I did, so he came along without saying anything."
"That's why Emilia decided to participate in the Royal Selection... the selfish reason you mentioned before... was it something like that?"
Unlike the other candidates, Emilia had said she decided to join the Royal Selection for selfish reasons. He had avoided asking for the details until now, but the meaning of her words from that time finally connected here.
"...You're going to despise me, aren't you?"
Mulling over the one realization in her heart, Emilia suddenly whispered that.
When Subaru looked up, Emilia was gazing timidly at him, her lips trembling.
"Everyone else... they've all set grand goals and resolved themselves to take on the Royal Selection, but my reason is so, so... personal..."
"I think wanting to help the villagers is a perfectly important feeling too. The nobility of what you're doing doesn't diminish just because the number of people saved is large or small. Besides... what you said in the Royal Selection audience hall wasn't a lie, was it?"
"In the Royal Selection hall... what I said..."
"That you want to be seen equally. I don't think there was any lie in those words either."
At first, it might have been a plea born from seeking a breakthrough in an unresolved situation within himself. But as Emilia came to know the outside world, the vastness of a hundred years, and the state of the current world, she should have gained the opportunity to revise her thinking.
Subaru didn't feel that the words she spoke in that audience hall were insincere, merely a pretense of goodwill.
If that feeling was genuine, and the desire to win the Royal Selection remained the same, Subaru didn't think that provided any reason to disparage it en masse.
"So, you don't need to look so worried; it'll be fine. I'm on Emilia's side, and my feeling that you can lean on me hasn't changed since last night. Even if you firmly decline when I say it's okay for you to lean on my shoulder."
"Ah... um, about last night..."
"Don't apologize, you'll just feel miserable. Well, what I can say from my side is that I'm always in a position where Emilia-tan can lean on me, so use me as you see fit. I think a strong, independent Emilia is great, but it's okay to let yourself be a little weak too."
He thumped his chest and softened his expression with a slight smile. Emilia let out a soft sigh as if relieved. Instantly, her body swayed as if the relief had spread through her entire being.
"Somehow, now that I feel safe, suddenly..."
"Your bad dreams kept you from sleeping, right? Don't push yourself; it's fine to sleep a little. I'll just stay here quietly and watch over you, doing nothing."
"The 'doing nothing' part is really worrying me though..."
Worried by her unnecessary comment, Emilia still resisted the temptation of sleep, shaking her silver hair. Subaru pressed a finger to her forehead, applying gentle pressure to tip her slender form backward onto the bed.
"Au..."
"Just lie down."
He pointed a finger at the now supine Emilia, brooking no argument.
Subaru draped the towel blanket over her thin body, pulled the chair he'd been sitting in closer to the bed, and seated himself where he could see Emilia's sleeping face.
"We talked a lot, untangled things in your head, and if my words brought you even a little relief... then rest easy. Later tonight, there will be times we'll need to push ourselves again."
"...Is it okay for me to rely on you like that?"
"It's fine. Rely on me more and more. Rely so much on my spoiling that you end up with cavities."
Subaru shrugged, and Emilia, in the bed, let out a small laugh. Then she stared intently at Subaru, slowly reaching her hand out from under the towel blanket.
"—Hand."
"Hmm?"
"If you're going to spoil me, will you... hold my hand? Just until I fall asleep, is that okay to ask?"
"You got it. Leave it to me."
He took the slender, small hand offered to him, feeling its delicate, smooth texture in his palm as he smiled. Emilia returned the smile in kind, and, obeying Subaru's words, gently closed her eyes.
It didn't take long for the sound of small, sleeping breaths to become audible.
"...I hope you have at least a few good dreams."
Looking at Emilia's peaceful sleeping face in the bed, Subaru brushed the silver hair from her forehead with a finger and let his gaze fall to their still-clasped hands.
By sensing the presence of another person like this, he hoped she might find release, even a little, from the loneliness of her dreams. Having her alone in a room, repeatedly chased by nightmares in torment, was far too cruel a treatment.
"Still... I learned a lot today, didn't I?"
He sat back down in the chair, still holding her hand, and replayed the conversation they had just exchanged.
Emilia's past, and the reason she took on the Royal Selection. Roswaal's proposal that drew her out, and how Emilia had been backed into a corner where she had no choice but to accept.
And above all, the "Trial" befalling Emilia, and the true intent of the "Trial" that refused to accept her, despite her having already given an answer—leaving these matters unresolved, Subaru had put Emilia to sleep, and now sat here.
"———"
He gently gazed at Emilia's sleeping face.
He wasn't putting the situation off because her exhausted state pained him. The reason he had postponed the answer that needed to be given, and had almost forcefully put her to rest like this, was because— The reason he had arrived at that thought was just too overwhelming—because staying by Emilia's side while she was like that, doing *that*, seemed impossible.
"Just... considering the situation... there's no other way to think about it."
The past loops, the suspicious details, and other circumstantial evidence were all making him aware of it. The method to confirm it was singular, and it could be easily performed right now.
And if this thought was correct, it would undoubtedly be one bright light for resolving the situation—.
He drew a breath and held it.
Listening to the sound of his own pulse through his bloodstream, Subaru reached out to verify whether his thought was correct.
With his left hand, opposite the right hand still holding Emilia's, he reached toward the neck of the peacefully sleeping Emilia—toward her white, slender neck, and then.
"—You're not really asleep, are you?"
The cold, hard sensation felt at his fingertips.
Feeling his own voice tighten, Subaru spoke those words.
After a moment of silence, as Subaru's heart began to burn with impatience—suddenly, *'You noticed quite well. —I'm happy, Subaru.'* From within the green crystal stone he had touched, the androgynous voice of a spirit resonated directly inside Subaru's skull.