"Huh?"
For an instant, Subaru didn't understand what had been said, and a vacant, idiotic sound escaped his lips.
Eyes wide, mouth hanging open like a fish—
"I'm really happy that you think of me like that, Subaru. That you act for my sake—it makes me feel so dependable, so, so supported. And I really do rely on you. But… trying to find an escape route like that is no good."
"Wh-what do you mean, no good! You've just dumped a completely one-sided problem on me!"
"I'm the one who decided to take on this challenge. There's somewhere I have to reach, and there are trials I have to pass to get there—and I have to work hard to overcome them right now. I don't want to make excuses about that."
Lips pressed firmly shut, determination burning in her eyes—Emilia stood before Subaru, and the sight of her struck him like a physical blow.
Her composed face was filled with the radiance of an iron will. Gone was the frail, helpless girl who couldn't walk a single step without Subaru reaching out and pulling her along.
*Why? How?* The questions flooded his chest until there was no room for anything else, and Subaru shook his head.
"Your resolve is magnificent, Emilia, I know that. But the compatibility between that trial and you is just too poor. Throwing yourself into a fight with no chance of winning, no plan in place—I can't call that admirable."
"So… you really do think the odds are against me?"
"…………"
No placating words came. Subaru fell silent, and Emilia gave a bitter smile. The slight droop at the corners of her brows was the result of taking his evaluation at face value, completely honest and unvarnished.
He couldn't even choose the right words to comfort her, and he thought himself a terribly insufficient person.
"Can't you at least wait until we find a lead? If you give me time, I'll definitely… create a better situation. That way, Emilia, you could feel at ease for—"
"No, Subaru, that won't work. I have this feeling, somehow. —That trial in the graveyard… there are probably no shortcuts, no detours."
"————"
"I know it sounds strange, but I just *know*. Even if time passes, if the right frame of mind isn't there when I challenge it, the result will be the same. I can feel that."
"Ah…"
No words of denial came.
He didn't know the detailed mechanics of the trial, but the rules Emilia had intuited—Subaru agreed with them completely.
The contents of the trial, its nature—no matter how many times one repeated the attempt, it would neither soften nor grow stricter. The same conditions, the same content, greeting each challenger anew. The nature of the trial would not change; only the challenger's heart could produce a different result. That was exactly the sort of thing
That she had seen through the hollow comfort he'd offered, that she grasped the essence of the trial better than he'd imagined—all of this genuinely surprised Subaru.
And yet, even as Subaru frantically scrambled to piece words together— "Hey, Subaru. —Why are you trying to help me?"
"————"
The question that cut him off was one she had posed before—a question with profound meaning.
How much desperate time had he spent trying to find an answer to it. How much hardship had he endured to convey that answer to Emilia.
So to the same question, Subaru didn't hesitate. He could answer clearly and without wavering.
"Because I want to help you. Because I love you. —Because I love all of you."
"Mm. Yeah, I know. Subaru really, really loves me, after all."
"————"
"That makes me so, so happy. So reassuring. So supported. Just knowing that Subaru sees me that way… I know I can work really hard."
Emilia placed a hand against her chest, her cheeks faintly flushing, and closed her eyes.
Her voice, thick with a thousand unspoken feelings, continued with the word *so*.
"Don't push yourself like you have to do something. Knowing Subaru is watching me is enough for me to keep trying. If you want to do something for me, if you'll listen to my selfish little wish… I want you by my side. I want you to support my back."
"Emilia…"
"When I feel like I'm about to wobble, having a hand to brace my back would definitely keep me from stumbling. When I'm swaying like that, I want Subaru there."
"————"
"Thank you for always walking ahead of me, clearing away stones, leveling the path, cutting through the brush, trying to take my hand. But if that's all that ever happens… I think I'll just keep relying on Subaru more and more. I'm lazy at heart, you know."
"La…zy…"
He tried to fall into their usual rhythm, but the words wouldn't come.
Inside his chest, a swelling emotion spiraled beyond his control. He couldn't put it into words, couldn't even understand what it was. It simply asserted its existence with overwhelming force, and Subaru gritted his back teeth to keep from being consumed by it, facing Emilia head-on.
"So instead of leaning on everyone, leaning on Subaru over and over… this time, I want to try not doing that. The only thing that worries me is that I'll fail and cause Subaru and everyone else more grief… but I'll work hard so that doesn't happen. I'll push through as quickly as I can."
Emilia offered Subaru a brave, encouraging smile.
"While I'm working hard like that, please watch over that effort from beside me. —That is my request. The thing I want to ask of Subaru."
※※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ "————!!"
He cut through the wind. Driven by feet that ran on their own, by a heart that wouldn't stop pounding.
He sprinted across a treacherous slope, branches scraping his cheeks into fresh abrasions, nearly tripping again and again—yet he kept running, for as long as his lungs could draw breath.
"————!!"
A soundless shout tore from his throat, wrenched open as though it might split. He looked up through the dense curtain of green that blocked the night sky and saw the moon and stars, brilliant with a fierce, pale glow in the clear air, and he screamed.
*He wanted to wring every last drop of stupidity from his body—to empty himself of everything.* *The smile Emilia had shown him last—her face alive with strong resolve—was burned into his eyes.* *That smile, the conviction she had declared, and his own misguided assumptions. Only when all of them came together did he finally understand the identity of the impulse that scorched his chest from within, surging upward like a tidal wave.* *And because he finally understood it, Subaru could not stay still. The moment he parted from Emilia, he had plunged instinctively into the forest like a beast, running wildly.* *The fury that refused to let him stop, that wouldn't even let him sleep, that threatened to ignite every time he recalled Emilia—humans call that emotion* shame.
*Shame seized every inch of Subaru's body and would not allow him to stand still.* "I… I…!!"
Too ridiculous. Truly, hopelessly, inexcusably foolish, beyond all salvation.
When Roswaal had called Emilia *that* in a dismissive tone, Subaru had flown into a rage and attacked him. He had snarled, baring his fangs, refusing to tolerate words or attitudes that insulted and belittled her.
And right after that exchange, when he met Emilia and confessed everything he had wanted to do for her—only to be rejected—did he finally realize.
*The person who trusted Emilia's resolve, her determination, her strength, the least… was Subaru himself.* *He had to protect her. He didn't want her to feel pain or sadness.* *He had brandished those words, scheming to keep Emilia far from hardship. He had tried to take the trial upon himself in her stead. When that proved impossible, he had searched for side paths that would let her avoid the trial altogether. And when even that seemed precarious—his mind had spiraled through every conceivable direction to find a way to keep Emilia from facing the trial, from the most extreme idea of dealing with the
The instant he realized this, shame struck his head so hard he could barely endure it.
He had given an answer that couldn't satisfy Emilia when she asked for one. He had raised a hand to the worried girl and fled. And then he had run straight into the forest, ending up like this.
Back in the royal capital, Subaru had hurt Emilia the exact same way—through his own selfish presumption.
He had known neither her thoughts nor her resolve. Intoxicated with the authority he had just gained, he had never conveyed his true intentions to her in his selfish behavior, and that had driven a rift between Subaru and Emilia.
Because of that experience, he had established his feelings for her and the way he chose to express them—and that was why Subaru could stand here now.
*And yet, once again, Subaru had gotten it wrong.* *To take her wounds upon himself. To shoulder her burdens. To forge the path for her.* *He hadn't shown off this method to Emilia or boasted about it to anyone—and compared to before, it might have looked like some small progress. But the truth was, nothing about the essence had changed.* *He had simply gotten better at hiding his wounds.* *The arrogance of bragging about being hurt had quietly slipped away.* *But the sight of him shoving his self-centeredness onto Emilia and shouting that this was the right thing to do—nothing about that had changed.* "I… I…!"
His breath ran out. The instant he gasped and raised his head, a thick branch cracked against his forehead. Pain threw his head back, and his feet crumbled beneath him—he felt the sensation of grasping at empty air.
He toppled sideways, tumbling across a ground of dirt and fallen leaves, and came to rest spread-eagled on the earth.
The cold ground sucked the warmth from his back as he lay staring straight up at the sky, breathing hard. Through a gap in the canopy, the night sky was visible.
In this world without streetlights, the stars blazed fiercely in air so clear it stung the skin. Under the vast, starlit sky, surrounded by constellations he didn't recognize, Subaru dissolved into a vortex of emotions—his own insignificance, the unseen anxiety ahead, shapeless terror, all tangled together.
Exhaustion crashed over him all at once. He could no longer keep his eyes open.
It had been a relentless stretch of time. Not just the physical fatigue accumulated in his body, but the mounting spiritual toll dragged him down into darkness.
*Return by Death. The
The chill in the air and a gruff voice were the first things Subaru registered upon waking.
Cold sunlight hit his eyelids and he flinched, forcing them open. He squinted against the direct glare of the sun through the trees, tearing up as he tried to sit— "Ngh… ow…"
A sound like stiff joints grinding together made Subaru groan through his throat.
He had been sleeping on hard ground, and combined with the cold of the earth and air, every part of his body had gone stiff. Every time he tried to move to loosen his joints, dull pain answered back.
"I don't know what the point of it was, but I wouldn't recommend sleeping somewhere with no roof. Isn't the saying 'You can get by with a roof and a floor, as long as there's a galan'? That kinda thing."
"Galan… wait, more importantly—"
Subaru shook his head and looked up at the source of the rough voice—the person sitting on the ground, looking down at him with a bared-tooth grimace. It was Garfiel.
At the same time, his consciousness fully returned, and Subaru remembered what situation he was in.
"Right… I fell asleep out here just like that…"
"I was doing my morning routine and caught your stink coming from the forest. Thought some early-rising idiot might've ambushed you or something, the way you were lying there all sprawled out."
"If the top suspect isn't guilty, nobody is. …What time is it, roughly?"
Subaru pressed a hand to his forehead and shook off the heaviness in his head as he asked Garfiel. The younger man snorted.
"No need to rush—it's definitely before breakfast. The only ones up at this hour are the old geezers and grannies who rise early, plus us."
"Then I haven't caused a fuss yet by not coming back… Before that happens, I should head back to the Great Temple before—no, wait, more than that—"
If Subaru hadn't returned overnight, Otto—who had gone back first—might have started raising alarms. That in itself wasn't necessarily a problem, but he didn't want anxiety spreading among the evacuees from
"Your face looks pretty different from last night, y'know."
"Huh?"
Garfiel had spoken to Subaru as the latter used a nearby tree to pull himself to his neck-cracking feet. Subaru turned back, and the young man scratched vigorously at his short blond hair.
"Yesterday, I couldn't tell if you had any composure or not. But now… you look like you've gotten something off your chest."
"————"
"Tch, that's not right either. Dammit, I can't put it into words… Hey, what are you laughing at?"
"Heh… ha…"
At Garfiel's observation, Subaru touched his own cheek. He felt the corners of his mouth had curled ever so slightly, and a trembling laugh rose from the depths of his throat.
It started low and halting, then gradually grew louder.
"Ha ha ha! Me, looking like I've gotten something off my chest! Really? Is that what it looks like?"
"That's what I said! What's so funny about—"
"It's the opposite, Garfiel. Completely, totally the opposite."
"Huh?!"
Subaru killed the impulse to laugh and jabbed a finger at Garfiel.
Then: "I haven't gotten anything off my chest. Inside, I'm packed tight to bursting—honestly, I feel like I could explode any second. Everything I tried to do got shut down, everything I was straining to do backfired… I seriously have no idea what to do from here."
"————"
"When you realize you're completely stuck, it actually makes you laugh, doesn't it? If everything I thought I could do turns out to be worthless… I guess I'm back at square one."
He murmured weakly, shoulders drooping.
If he had been wrong from the very start, then every thought he had piled on top of that foundation was an error.
The time limit bearing down on him, demanding he solve this problem, was ticking away by the second—yet it was as if he had just realized he'd miscalculated the equation from the very first step. And what made it even more hopeless was that the problem he now faced, when he looked at it squarely, seemed like the kind no one had ever taught him how to solve.
Garfiel wrinkled his snout, clearly struggling over what to say to the dejected Subaru. And Subaru already knew: asking Garfiel wouldn't bring a clear answer. This was nothing but venting.
An awkward silence settled between them— And then.
" —Shall I tell you what to do?"
"————!"
A sudden voice came from above, and Subaru whipped around. Garfiel, looking up in the same direction, showed no surprise—he had probably sensed the presence already.
At the end of Subaru's gaze, threading through the gap between the trees and walking toward them— "…Otto?"
"Good morning. Yes, it's me."
The dry crack of snapping twigs accompanied Otto as he approached with a somewhat smug smile. Subaru's eyes spun at the abrupt appearance, but Garfiel clicked his tongue and said: "For the record, I only noticed you just now. I wasn't standing here chatting and forgetting about you, got it?"
"I'm not doubting you at all. And Natsuki-san—I'm glad you seem to be uninjured. —More to the point, may I make a request?"
"…Go ahead."
"Could I have a moment alone with Natsuki-san? There's something I want to talk to him about."
Otto and Garfiel exchanged knowing looks in front of Subaru, who still hadn't caught up with the situation. At Otto's final request, Garfiel gritted his teeth, glanced once at Subaru— "Don't do anything weird."
—and left it at that before backing away.
The sound of grass being crushed as Garfiel left through the forest, heading back toward the Sanctuary. Subaru watched him go from the awkward position of being left behind, then wet his dry lips with his tongue.
"How… how did you and Garfiel end up getting along?"
"While Natsuki-san was busy, I wasn't exactly sitting idle. I've been building rapport with the people here, the evacuees, and so on. But that's all neither here nor there right now."
Otto answered Subaru's question dutifully, then cut himself off with a hand gesture. His eyes fixed on Subaru with an intensity that went beyond staring. The force of that gaze clearly crossed into glare territory.
"What is it…"
The discomfort of that stare made Subaru's voice trail off weakly. Otto let out a small sigh.
"I caught the general idea. You're pretty cornered, aren't you, Natsuki-san? On a bunch of things."
"————"
"I don't know the details, of course—I'm on the outside looking in. But you've hit a wall, haven't you? You sounded so desperate I could practically hear you whimpering from a mile away."
"So what do I do. …That's what you said when you cut in, isn't it?"
Subaru listened to Otto's somewhat caustic tone and referenced the first thing the merchant had said upon interrupting.
Otto had indeed cut into the silence between Subaru and Garfiel with exactly those words. Where did the truth behind them lie?
"You said you know what I should do…"
"Yes, I do. It's simple."
"Simple… you say."
"Would you like to know?"
There was something about the way he said it that set Subaru's teeth on edge.
He was suffering, showing his pathetic side to the world, tearing himself apart—and this man was talking to him in a way calculated to rub every nerve the wrong way.
"Of course I do! Don't screw with me! If you know something, then tell me—"
"Then, you'll need to prepare."
"Prep… prepare?"
"Yes. First, breathe in slowly, and deeply—"
Extending a hand toward Subaru, Otto gestured as he instructed Subaru to take a deep breath. Though he didn't understand, Subaru followed the direction, steadying his breathing and closing his lungs— "————!?"
In the next instant, a sharp impact punched through his cheek, and Subaru was sent sprawling across the ground.
He couldn't even brace for the fall. His face hit the dirt, and Subaru's vision spun. He shook his head, looked around to figure out what had happened, saw Otto with a fist still extended, and realized he'd been punched.
And before the stunned Subaru, Otto held up his reddening fist and spoke: "Stop putting on a tough front in front of your friends, Natsuki Subaru."