I told her that there were also Phantom Units in the treasury.
When I mentioned there were quite a number of them, the Witch prefaced her response with "probably."
"Well now, that's something. If everything in the treasury is truly offerings like Nekea says, then it's hard to imagine there was any malice behind the gifts. She probably really did just send them en masse as plain offerings. All at once, too."
"All at once?"
The Witch leaned her cheek lightly on one hand while toying at her silver hair with the other.
"Hmm, this is just a guess, but the Phantom Units were likely stored together. Like a prison, or a dungeon, to put it in human terms. It wouldn't be wise to scatter them about."
"That makes sense..."
"Well, well. Of course, cramming them all together has its own drawbacks when dealing with things like that. They were found somewhere—I don't know where—and bundled together as tribute. Or perhaps the gift was made knowing full well what they were."
"Knowing full well they were Phantom Units...?"
"But rather than malice, the intent was purification. Or perhaps to lay restless souls to rest. You know how people sometimes bring cursed OOPArts and legendary Relics to Seihou? It's the same kind of sentiment."
"Ah, I can kind of see that."
In my memories from my past life, I recalled how objects called cursed relics were enshrined at shrines and temples.
So that was why there were so many Phantom Units in the treasury.
Come to think of it, wasn't Nekea treated less like a queen and more like a deity?
Her true form might have been a sacred idol.
"Well, well. Either way, we can't just leave them as they are."
"No, we can't. That's why I'm thinking of gathering them all in one place and performing a purification. Actually, I've been working on a plan."
I explained my plan. The Witch smiled with amusement.
"I like it, I like it. As expected of Kon's beloved apprentice. That's a very interesting plan. But it's going to take quite a while. Even with infinite capacity, that volume is no joke."
My plan was to create a 25-meter pool of elixir inside the dungeon.
Then submerge the sealed Phantom Units into it all at once.
That way, I should be able to purify them all in one go.
"About that, though — I'm thinking of diluting the elixir."
"Oh? Oh ho. Diluting it, you say."
I already knew the amount of elixir wasn't enough.
So from my past life memories, I recalled how hand soap concentrate is so thick you dilute it hundreds of times over.
And wasn't the elixir overkill against undead to begin with?
I'd always thought so. I'm pretty sure I'm not wrong about that.
"Actually, I've been stockpiling elixir for a while now, just in case something came up."
Four wooden barrels' worth. Stored in the cellar beneath my house.
I was thinking of using just two of them.
"Oh ho, diluting it is a very good idea. You should give it a try."
"Yes. What I also need is manpower. I'd like help carrying the Phantom Units."
"Hmm hmm. Manpower, you say."
"For starters, I'm going to talk to Munieka and get a few of Minosdoll's maids to help out. That witch?"
The witch was muttering something under her breath. Something about deadlines.
"Good, good. That'll work. Young Wof — I'll handle transporting those Phantom Units."
"Is that okay?"
"Mm-hmm. I want to watch my dear apprentice's growth up close, and I'm curious about the Phantom Units myself."
Ah, well, so she was the one who made this Blue Saint's Gauntlet... apparently.
"............"
It hit me like a flash.
Those people who'd set up shop in my heart rent-free, playing card games.
They were Phantom Units, weren't they?
"Oh my, what's the matter, dear young Wof?"
"Ah, s-sorry about that."
Come to think of it, that blue-haired woman — she was said to be some outrageous Empress.
It wouldn't be unusual for her soul to have been sealed inside an object as punishment.
(Digging into a woman's past isn't very gentlemanly.)
Oh wait, sorry about that.
Go any further and I'd be opening a can of worms.
"So then, so then, can I help out?"
"Y-yes, of course! Please, I'm counting on you!"
Nice. A witch is worth a hundred men on her own.
The witch suddenly put on a faint, somewhat reluctant smile.
"But, but, it'll take just a little bit of time. Could you wait just a moment?"
"Got it. In that case, I'll get the pool ready in the meantime."
"Mm-hmm. Leave it to me."
"Oh, and — this is a bit of a change of subject, but... is that okay?"
"Oh my, oh my, what's next then?"
"The truth is, I want to make my Relic stronger."
"Oh ho. That would be the Relic Banish, wouldn't it?"
"Y-yes. That's exactly right."
I was startled that she nailed it on the first try, and the witch looked somewhat apologetic about it.
"Hmm, hmm. On that front, there's someone who knows more than I do."
"More than the witch?"
"Well, well. When it comes to this, she's a better fit than me."
"Is that, um, someone I know?"
"Why, yes — you know her very well indeed. Still haven't figured it out? She's the one who carries the same Relic Banish as you."
"N-no way."
A chill ran down my spine.
Once she put it that way, there was only one person it could be.
"It's her, isn't it?"
"Well, well, I can see why you'd make that face. But she's actually quite useful more often than you'd think, you know."
"Is that so…"
But now that she mentioned it — well, was that really the case?
"She'll surely, surely end up being on your side, young Wof."
"Understood. I'll go talk to her."
Right now, I'd clutch at even a straw if it would help.
But in a sense, that's even less than grasping at straws.
"Well now, young Wof. Are you hungry?"
"Yes, I am. I haven't had lunch, so I'm quite famished."
I hadn't had time to eat, so my stomach was empty.
The witch stood up. Her ears, chest, backside, and three tails each swayed independently.
"Then, then — how about you join Kon for dinner, if you'd like?"
She's inviting me. Now, what should I do?
Right then, my stomach let out a loud growl.
I smiled wryly.
"Sure. In that case, I'd love to take you up on that."
"Fufu, fufu — the body is honest, isn't it?"
"Ahaha..."
She's absolutely right.
While waiting, I was offered herbal tea.
I'd thought there wouldn't be any this time, so I let my guard down.
The herbal tea was swirling in a blue-green vortex inside the cup.
Wood chips floated around the vortex, and I could hear a voice crying "save me," but I ignored it.
"Hm?"
One of the wood chips read "Mary Celeste." Was that a ship's name?
No wait — this is a teacup. No, no. I nearly fell for it.
It wasn’t boring, but if you asked me if it was fun, I’d want to shake my head.
As I was thinking that, Mounieka-san returned home. A little while later, Shiro-san also came back.
A pleasant dinner with the four of us. It had been a while since we all ate together like this.
After the witch, Mounieka-san, and Shiro-san finished their bath, they drank some sake.
In the meantime, I took a bath, and realized it was already this late.
I told the three of them I’d be heading home soon.
My memory from around that point is completely blank.
I suddenly woke up.
"…?"
Looking up, I saw the very familiar ceiling of my own room.
In other words, I had returned to my room.
"…?"
My body wouldn’t move.
Not only that, but my body was strangely warm and soft.
What was going on? What happened?
And there was a rich floral scent. Had I decorated with flowers? Was it Mineha-san?
Or maybe one of the maids.
Anyway, I tried to move my face… To my right was Mounieka-san’s profile. She was sleeping.
"…!?"
I hurriedly looked to the left—and there was the sleeping face of the witch. She was asleep too.
"—!?"
I couldn't make heads or tails of what was happening and was thoroughly confused, but when I looked ahead, there was Shiro's sleeping face.
Ah... Mounieka-san to my right. The witch to my left. Shiro right in front of me.
Right, right.
So the four of us were all sleeping in my bed.
"...So that's how it is..."
Makes sense. Now that I understood, it was actually pretty simple.
In other words, three people had me completely surrounded. A flawless encirclement with no gaps. That's why I couldn't move.
And two of the three were naked. The witch and Mounieka-san were naked.
The witch was one thing, but Mounieka-san was naked too.
The pinnacle of cool-type beauty known as "Auto Doll" was sleeping right beside me without a single thread on.
No. No... wait. There's no way Mounieka-san would just be wearing nothing and be completely naked.
Completely in the nude like that— Yep, she was stark naked.
Skin white as porcelain.
Her breasts were smaller than the witch's sprawled out right beside her, but still impressively large.
The witch's were too much — twin peaks had gone and collapsed.
So that's what it was.
My right arm was sunk clean into Mounieka-san's bare chest.
On the other side, my left arm was buried deep in the witch's bare chest.
Both my arms and legs were completely swallowed up in the most fleshly way imaginable.
No wonder it felt so abnormally soft, warm, and pleasant — like being enveloped from every direction.
Once I understood the truth, it was really quite simple.
Simple is best, as they say.
I was about to work in a bust joke, but I gave up.
Because everyone besides Shiro-san doesn't exactly have a simple bust.
And that Shiro-san was sitting right on top of me.
Pressed flush against me, her curves pushing into my body.
I had no idea why she was sitting on me, but if she was, there was nothing I could do about it.
I see. Surrounded on all sides and pressed up against by three beautiful women.
So that's why I can't move at all. That much made sense to me.
Like hell it does!
Huh?! Why?! Why?!
How did things end up like this?!
I don't understand. I mean, I truly don't understand!
What happened, and how did things end up like this in my room?!
I don't know. I don't know.
I have absolutely no idea what's going on.
That's why I don't understand!
What do I do. What do I do. What should I do. What should I do.
Wait — am I even wearing clothes right now?
I don't even understand that.
And I can't move.
Even trying to move was impossible.
And if I forced it, they'd probably wake up.
That would be bad.
It's not like I wanted this to happen, but this is seriously bad.
What am I supposed to do in a situation like this?
Help me, tell me, uncle!
"..........."
Uncle didn't answer. Of course he didn't.
I gave up and closed my eyes.
It wasn't that uncle answered me, but I did remember something.
What to do when things are truly hopeless — what to do if that moment ever arrives.
There's no point flailing around.
When it comes down to it, knowing when to give up is everything.
So I gently closed my eyes.
And then I slept. When I woke up... if this turned out to be a dream?
I jolted.
This might actually be a dream.
That's it. That's right. This is a dream.
This wouldn't make sense if it wasn't a dream.
Wait, but something similar happened at the Great Obraunds, didn't it?
Something like that happened, didn't it?
No. No, no. This is, regardless, a dream.
So when I truly wake up, this dream will vanish.
Sleep inside a dream.
Sleep, and then wake up.
Perfect.
Ha ha ha ha ha, how perfect is that.
Nothing could be more perfect.
With this, I am—perfect.
Heh... heheh.
Okay, seriously though. What am I supposed to do about this!?