Winter had brought the morning to us.
And we felt that today was the day we had been waiting for all this time. No words were exchanged. The morning sunlight playfully poked at our eyelids.
I opened my eyes and looked to the side. Was it coincidence? Or had we been waiting all along? Just then, Barbatos was looking at my face too. We lay side by side in bed, smiling side by side. Yes. Today was the day.
"Anything you want to eat?"
"I'd like a nice glass of grape wine."
"I don't want that. I want to stay sober on a day like this."
We lingered in bed for a while, rolling around in the warmth. A gentle time. Sunlight wrapped us and the bed together in a white embrace. I pressed my lips to Barbatos's forehead. Barbatos recoiled in disgust. I'll get you back for that — and Barbatos bit the back of my ear. It hurt a little. Since sitting still wasn't in my nature, I tickled her sides. Neither of us could stop laughing.
"Aaah."
We both collapsed, utterly spent. Even though it was winter, we were panting like dogs in the summer heat.
"You played too much, Bab-ting. Even on a day like this, you feel like fooling around?"
"Well, what else is there to do? Painting or playing the violin would be even more absurd."
"Mm, that's true."
Barbatos and I fell into thought. How should we spend today? It was a truly difficult problem. Groaning and grumbling, we racked our brains for about twenty minutes. Then Barbatos spoke as if it had just occurred to her.
"Hey. Are you just going to leave this mansion as it is?"
"Huh?"
"You've got a ton of paintings you made lying around here. It'd be trouble if someone saw them, wouldn't it?"
Oh. I hadn't thought of that.
The portraits of Paimon and Laura were especially dangerous. Those two still enjoyed the highest recognition among both Demonkin and humankind alike. If someone with a keen eye were to find them — even if it was a one-in-a-million possibility — they might draw some strange conclusions.
I furrowed my brows seriously.
"You're right. Becoming a source of gossip is pretty dangerous in itself…"
"Yeah. Might as well set a nice big fire and be done with it."
"That's a very you way of solving a problem."
"What? Don't you feel good when you set a town or a city on fire? It gets you all excited."
"……."
She actually had a track record of burning down a dozen or so human cities, so it didn't sound like a joke. Judging by her brazen expression, she wasn't kidding. Barbatos was Barbatos through and through.
And so the day's agenda was decided.
We carried all the paintings stacked in the studio out to the garden. It was a monumental undertaking — we had to move several hundred pieces. Each one had been painted with painstaking care, completed over dozens of days or even months, and now they were being hauled off on carts with no regard for their condition. I found myself overcome with sentiment and sighed.
"They say life is short and art is long — it was all a lie."
"Right. The truth is that both life and art are short."
"Coming from someone who's lived over three thousand years, that's a bit shameless."
"Aaah — I wish I could live exactly five thousand more years, no more, no less."
The world's greatest greediest person was right here.
Barbatos held her own portrait in both hands and gave a cute wink.
"Of course that means I want to live with you."
"I believe laws should be enacted to ban statements that are excessively embarrassing."
"Too bad. I resigned from the position of Minister of Justice in the Empire, so I have no authority over you anymore."
Barbatos laughed.
It wasn't until nearly midday that we finished moving all the paintings. Close to a thousand works filled the courtyard to the brim. It was quite a spectacle. Among them were paintings I was deeply attached to, ones where the finishing touches had turned out particularly well — but what could be done? I wanted to tell them to leave me now, and I simply wanted to celebrate.
"All right. Light it up!"
"……You're enjoying this a bit too much, aren't you?"
Barbatos hummed a tune, dancing about as she set fires here and there. She circled the paintings like a pilgrimage, then approached my side. She had cast a magical barrier around the area to keep the fire from spreading into a wildfire.
The flames began to lick upward, little by little.
That was when it happened.
As the portraits were pierced with holes by the fire, they let out screams. What started as a single thread of screaming split into two, then three, and before long branched into dozens, then hundreds. Laura's voice. Lapis's voice. Paimon's voice tore through the air like a blade.
"……."
The screams sliced through the air and touched my skin, then in an instant shredded into a thousand strands that pierced through my body. Something viscous trickled from my chest. It was the blood my heart was shedding. Even a heart could bleed.
"……Ah."
My eyes reddened.
It had easily surpassed the limit of what a human heart could hold.
Ahead of me, I could see phantoms. Endless wailing rippled through them. The shadows were melting, their skin dissolving. Pigment clung thickly, holes devoured the paintings, and smoke blanketed everything.
Ah, the phantoms seemed to be trying to say something. But their lips had burned away and they couldn't form words. I could barely breathe. The phantoms tried to reach toward me, but their legs and feet had already vanished — it was impossible.
They stretched out their hands. They held their arms aloft as their bodies burned. Eyebrows crackled and eyes crumbled. They kept making sounds. But only unrecognizable vibrations echoed through the void — ah, ah.
I took a step forward. I had to go. If they couldn't come to me, then I had to save them. Wasn't that right? Wasn't that the natural conclusion?
But something gripped my wrist and wouldn't let go.
"……."
It was Barbatos. Barbatos met my eyes and silently shook her head two or three times. I could not take another step. The only thing left to me was to sink to my knees and collapse.
"Nn, aaah……aaaah……"
My heart melted.
It melted, and it flowed away.
The rot that had piled up in my chest, the soot caked to the very bottom — it all washed away in a stream.
I couldn't tell how much time had passed. The flames consumed everything, thrusting their scarlet tongues into the air for what felt like an eternity. I sat slumped on the ground, staring up at the fire like a doll with its soul ripped out.
It wasn't until evening that the flames finally died down.
Black ash remained, and the wind carried its scorched scent away. A part of my heart had died. I could feel it. There was a spot of soot that could never be cleaned from a person. But even what couldn't be washed could be deleted. Perhaps I would never be able to feel the emotion called sorrow again.
"Dantalion."
"……Yeah."
I slowly rose to my feet.
My limbs were heavy. I looked at Barbatos, and she too looked exhausted. Behind that ever-bright smile, an undeniable shadow had fallen. I was tired too, but I smiled.
"Here?"
"No. Somewhere high would be best, if possible. We can look down from there."
"Somewhere high."
I raised my head. The mountain behind us might be climbable. The only concern was whether our bodies would cooperate with our will. It would probably be fine. It was a trail Barbatos and I had climbed countless times over seventeen years. There would be no problem.
"Shall we go?"
"Mm."
We set off up the mountain path. We couldn't climb quickly. Our stamina had already been spent. We had to manage what little strength remained like dregs, focusing every nerve on each individual footstep. Even our breathing couldn't be left to chance. Slowly. Utterly slowly.
"……."
"……."
The mountain path in winter was harsh. Snow from days ago still lay thick on the ground. Our footprints were the only ones in the untouched snow — not even a wild animal had passed. The sun was sinking. The golden evening glow settled softly over the white expanse.
Barbatos nearly stumbled several times. I caught her hand. She grinned sheepishly, like a child caught in a secret prank. Then she whispered in a small voice.
"I'm sorry."
I'm sorry.
What was she sorry for?
Every time Barbatos's body swayed, she said she was sorry. I couldn't answer. I couldn't answer her sorrow. And yet Barbatos said it again, and again, and again — she was sorry.
"Hoo, huff……haaah."
My vision blurred.
The sun had set.
After hours of climbing, we finally reached near the mountaintop. There stood a single cherry tree, its branches bare, bent and stooped. In spring, when we came for hanami, we would sit here and drink all day long.
As if we had made a promise, we leaned against the tree and sat down.
"……Hanami."
Barbatos opened her lips. It was winter. Her breath became white vapor that scattered into the air. A small voice. But to me, her breathing was clearer than any scream or voice.
"I wanted to do it again this year too……"
"Bring a whole load of barrels."
"Mm. A whole load……and the cherry blossoms would be pouring, pouring down."
"It was funny when you fell into a barrel last year."
"You idiot. That wasn't last year — it was the year before……"
Was it?
If Barbatos said so, then it must be true.
We leaned against each other. Shoulder to shoulder, head to head. Barbatos's weight was fully transmitted to me. The body heat she had left, too. I could barely feel my own breathing, but it didn't matter. Barbatos's breath was felt in full measure. It quickened little by little, and grew just slightly longer.
"……Barbatos."
"Mm."
"You're the woman I loved most."
There was no answer.
But she pressed my forearm tight. Sometimes there were confessions that needed no reply. Barbatos and I had known that from the very beginning. From very, very long ago.
"……."
My vision went completely dark. Perhaps it wasn't my fault. Perhaps it was because the night had grown deep. With dull, fumbling hands, I touched Barbatos's coat. The weather was cold. So I worried about Barbatos.
That was the last thing I did. Occasionally, Barbatos or I would murmur something. But I could only feel the vibration of the murmuring — I couldn't hear or give a proper answer. Still, it was enough. The vibrations alone were enough.
Barbatos, right?
…….
I truly lived a fool's life.
To have fallen into a place like this.
To have come all the way to a place like this.
But still, one fact remained — that I had walked here with everything I had.
I didn't look away.
I kept on looking.
……That's enough, isn't it, Barbatos?
………….
I carefully opened my eyes. I didn't have the strength to lift my eyelids fully.
Sunlight. Transparent sunlight was shining over the landscape below the mountain. The light of midday revealed every object in full, yet the light itself remained unseen. I gazed at the horizon with unfocused eyes as far as I could manage. Was it an illusion? Was it my failing eyesight? The horizon was blurring, wrapped in radiant light.
My eyelids closed. The branches rustled.
There's no need to be sorry.
Barbatos.
There's no need to be sorry for leaving just a little bit earlier than me.
Because it really is only just a little bit.
If anything, I'm glad.
I'm glad I can be one step late compared to Barbatos.
Not bad, is it?
For a frail body, it held up well. My body.
I'm glad.
……Truly.
I'm glad.
"……Barbatos."
"Let's go on hanami again……"
"Next time, let's invite all the others too……"
"Laura, Lapis, Sitri……"
"I'm a little sorry to you about this, but Ivar and Daisy, and Paimon too."
"Ahaha……"
"……Invite them all."
"Next spring……"
"……Definitely……"
"……."
…….
Yes.
Perhaps. Certainly.
Just like that, forever.
……….
……………….
……………………………….
In the next spring that comes.
― END.