Clang!
The pickaxe struck the rocky pit. How many hours had I been doing this now?
Life is fleeting, form is emptiness, emptiness is form... I swung the pickaxe over and over with the mindset of one cultivating the Dao. Even Bodhidharma had entered a cave and stared at a wall in grueling meditation. There was no reason someone like me—who did nothing but dig relentlessly into a cave—couldn't be called a monk. Ha ha.
On the fortieth blow, the fiftieth—ding! A hologram popped up, and frankly, I was on the verge of getting PTSD from that sound effect.
[You have mined 2 Iron Ore.]
Oh ho.
My devotion to the Dao had paid off. Two ore had come out at once. That was a fairly rare occurrence.
I set the Iron Ore I'd obtained as an item down at my feet and hefted the pickaxe once more.
"Mama~ why do I~ keep on~ missing you~."
How had I, the Demon Lord, ended up mining iron in a quarry?
There was no need to ask. It was all about money.
Out of my initial funds of 1,000 gold, an adventurer had swiped 200 gold. I'd invested another 400 gold procuring a golem. All I had left was a measly 400 gold.
For an ordinary human, that would be enough to live off for life without a care. But for a Demon Lord, it was an embarrassingly pathetic fortune.
Maybe I should just grab the money and run.
I'd actually considered it before. Since I was a Demon Lord, I had a small horn on the back of my head—so tiny I hadn't even noticed it until recently—but other than that, I looked no different from a human. I'd become a Demon Lord in the exact same body and appearance I'd had in my original world. If I just wore a hat or something, I figured I could live a reasonably comfortable life.
But then I remembered. The culprit behind everything, VenusPants, had said this clearly:
— VenusPants: In Dungeon Attack, the goal was to protect the world from the dungeons of the Demon Lords. But in this new title, the goal is to conquer the world. This is extremely important. You must remember this.
At the time, I hadn't thought much of it. I'd just figured they were sharing info about the new game. Looking back now, it had been a kind of hint—information on how to reach the ending in this godforsaken world.
'Conquer the world, huh.'
If it had been a game, it would've been trivial—laughable, even, as a goal. But actually conquering the world with this trash-tier character? Depressing. I was Dantalion. The weakest Demon Lord. If a guy like me announced he was going to conquer the world, even a passing slime would cackle.
Well, no need to rush.
If there was one thing I'd learned these past few days, it was that no matter how dire the situation, it paid off to keep a little breathing room in the back of your mind. For all I knew, running off without a care might trigger some kind of system penalty.
—Crrrk. Crrrk.
A goblin approached me. A monster I'd barely managed to scrape together funds to acquire.
The reason I'd specifically bought a goblin was simple. The monster description said it was skilled at digging tunnels through cave walls. Golems were powerful, but useless at mining—they were pure fighters, nothing more. Right now, what I needed was a worker.
The goblin lived up to my expectations, cradling armfuls of iron ore. It looked like it had rushed over specifically to show off to me.
"Oh my, our Bling! You mined this much again today?"
I set down my pickaxe and rubbed both of the goblin's chubby cheeks. The goblin grinned from ear to ear.
How could anything be this adorable? Ever since I'd become a Demon Lord, even the ugliest monsters—goblins included—looked cute to me. My aesthetic sense was definitely broken. But who cared? Look at this precious thing.
—Crrr.
The goblin beamed and stretched both arms toward me. I grabbed it by the waist, hoisted it up, and spun it around and around. The goblin squealed with delight.
Something happened that I'd first experienced with the golem. I could feel the goblin's emotions. They were pure, overflowing with nothing but joy. It was as though our senses were linked.
Dark tunnels. Magnificent stalactites. The damp scent of earth.
Every last bit of the goblin's deep, instinctive love for all of this was transmitted to me without a shred of filter. I understood. This little one adored my dungeon. So much so that it even made me like the dungeon a little bit more. Who knew that sharing senses with another being could feel this wondrous?
I was in the middle of playing with the goblin when—
"Dantalion, sir."
"Wha—"
The sudden voice froze me mid-motion.
"I'm here to purchase ore."
When I turned around, there was a single expressionless girl.
The girl was dressed in a black suit, like an office worker. She bowed to me with perfectly rigid posture. When she lifted her head again, her face was still devoid of any expression. It didn't feel like she bowed out of respect — more like she simply needed to go through the procedure of bowing and so she did.
"Oh? Oh. Has it really gotten that late already?"
"Yes."
"Time flies when you're in a cave, haha…"
The girl didn't react. She just stared straight at me with eyes like lapis lazuli. Only then did I realize I'd been hugging a goblin this whole time.
Embarrassed, I quietly set the goblin down.
"Hahaha."
"…."
Keurk? The goblin tilted its head to the side.
Go on now. I said in my mind.
The goblin seemed to understand and trotted off toward the far end of the cave. I could communicate with monsters even through thought. I let out a sigh. Thank goodness — at least the goblin wouldn't have to see me looking ridiculous like that.
"Well then, Lord Dantalion. Let's begin the transaction."
The girl spoke in a businesslike tone.
Lapis Lazuli. That was her name.
I had first met her half a month ago. After defeating the Jossen Village adventuring party, I had been continuously studying this world's game-like mechanics.
There had been many discoveries. I found that magic research and technology research were possible — though the cheapest magic research cost a whopping 5,000 gold, so it was still an impossible dream for me — and I also figured out how to place luxury goods in the dungeon and install various traps.
Whatever functionality was needed for dungeon management, it was all there.
During that process, I also found something called the trade window. Apart from a button that said "Trade," nothing else was written on it. On a whim, I pressed the button, and before I knew it, a pink magic circle was being drawn on the cave floor right in front of my eyes.
Startled, I jumped back, and from the magic circle, a girl appeared. She was a beautiful young lady with pink hair tied in twin tails. Dressed neatly in the kind of black suit you'd only see in my original world, the girl bowed politely the moment she appeared.
"Nice to meet you, Dantalion. I'm Lapis Lazuli from the Kunkuska Trading Company."
She introduced herself as a Grade 5 demon clerk in a perfectly even voice.
"From now on, I'll be handling all transactions between you and the Kunkuska Trading Company. I look forward to working with you."
Her movements were as smooth and polished as those of a seasoned butler. Unable to contain my curiosity, I asked her who—or what—she really was. She answered my questions in detail, though her expression remained utterly blank and her tone never wavered.
The Kunkuska Trading Company was a firm that took on all manner of errands and tasks for the Demon Lord and the upper echelons of demonkin. They could procure literally anything a client wanted. Every employee was demonkin, and their headquarters was located in the Demon Realm.
"We can even provide dragon horns!"
That was the Kunkuska Trading Company's motto. Provided you paid well, of course.
Lapis's explanation went like this: Demon Lords were all VIP clients, so the company offered a special customer-satisfaction service where they summoned a clerk like her directly in front of you. I got slightly excited and asked—
"Am I a VIP client too?"
"In name only, sir."
Lapis replied without so much as batting an eyelash.
"I'm a Grade 5 demon clerk. Grade 5 is the lowest rank."
No further explanation was necessary.
Damn D-rank.
The purchase list Lapis showed me was packed with all sorts of items. From advanced magic texts to swords bordering on divine artifacts. The problem was that my client level was a mere F. At client level F, about the best you could buy were things like a well-sharpened longsword or a set of Goblin armor.
"The more you purchase, the higher your rank will rise. Once you reach A-rank, you won't just be buying dragon horns—you'll be able to purchase an actual dragon."
A dragon! In Dungeon Attack, dragons were the second-strongest monsters after the Demon Lord. With just one dragon on your side, you wouldn't have to fear any adventurer—or even an entire royal army swarming your dungeon.
"B-But… I don't have any money."
"Is that so? Pardon the intrusion, but what is your total net worth, Dantalion?"
"406 gold."
I answered in a shrill voice.
Lapis's eyes narrowed slightly.
'Dantalion, may I ask how many monsters you have in the dungeon?'
'...One.'
Lapis's demeanor shifted. I hurriedly added.
'Well. There is also one goblin, technically.'
The expression on the other party's face didn't change. She remained as impassive as ever.
Only the calm, serene aura that had been surrounding Lapis had somehow turned viscous. Ah, she was also a demonkin, so maybe monsters counted as part of her domain too. Not as much as a golem or goblin, but I could still pick up on her emotions to some degree.
'Pardon me, but did I hear correctly that you said not a unit, but a single monster? I want to confirm that I heard right.'
'Y-Yes.'
Without realizing it, my speech had shifted to a polite register.
'What kind of monster is this single unit?'
'It's a lowest-grade golem.'
Whoooosh.
A sudden cold wind swept past.
'I apologize, Dantalion. Forgive my bluntness, but I must be candid.'
'Go ahead...'
'This is the most pathetic dungeon I have ever seen in my brief demon life.'
I genuinely think so too.
I had found what seemed like a useful service, but I didn't have any money to actually buy anything. Fortunately, the Kunkuska Trading Company did purchase goods as well. They handled equipment seized from adventurers by the Demon Lord and others. If done right, it could turn into a decent source of income.
The problem was that I didn't even have anything worth selling.
Lapis listened to my predicament and pondered for a while,
'I suppose the only option is to at least mine some ore.'
she advised.
The dungeon the Demon Lord had set up in was, by the standards of the original world, a prime location. The mana was so abundant that occasionally ore would become imbued with magical power, or so they said. Ore containing that kind of mana sold for a rather handsome price.
A Demon Lord swinging a pickaxe was, in the most literal sense, rock bottom.
What else could I do? There was no way to earn money right now. Following Lapis's advice, I hired some Goblins and spent the better part of half a month doing nothing but digging tunnels.
"How many ore are you putting up for sale today?"
"Fifty-six iron ore."
That was the combined total from what the Goblins had dug up and my own output. Lapis let out a quiet breath. It sounded like a light sigh, or perhaps a soft deep breath. I'd only noticed a few days ago, but it was her signature sigh—unique to Lapis, who always wore an expressionless face.
"Dantalion, as you are well aware, iron ore is the lowest-grade ore. No matter how much mana it contains, we simply cannot offer a high price for it."
True enough. Iron ore was about as valuable as bean pulp. But I had an excuse of my own. My mining level was absurdly low, so iron ore was all that ever came out—what was I supposed to do about that? The very fact that a Demon Lord had acquired a mining skill was nonsensical to begin with.
"I would like to inform you that I currently hold the lowest sales performance at our company."
"Heh heh heh."
I chuckled in a low voice. Lapis tilted her head.
Young lady, if you thought I'd remain a Demon Lord who only ever caused you trouble, you are sorely mistaken!
"That's exactly why I came prepared with my trump card today."
Ta-da! I pulled an ore from my pocket and held it up—something that glowed faintly gold.
"Look! Gold! How about that? This is pretty impressive, right?"
"...Hmm."
Even the eternally expressionless girl was surprised by this. She let out a "hmph" of admiration. A genuine "hmph." She took the gold ore from me and examined it from every angle.
Finding the gold had been pure chance. I was digging a tunnel underground in a completely zen state of mind when something yellow suddenly caught my eye. Jackpot! I let out a triumphant shout and immediately dug out the gold.
I thought spring had finally come to my life as a demon. I'd spent half a month mining and selling iron, and I couldn't even earn 10 gold out of it. A gold ore infused with mana would be worth at least 100 gold, surely.
"Lapis, there's no need to be so grateful. If you hadn't given me advice, I never would have found the gold. It's all thanks to you."
"..."
"Honestly, all I feel toward you is gratitude. It's nothing to brag about, but I really have nothing. I didn't become a Demon Lord because I wanted to be one, either."
While I went on and on running my mouth, Lapis was quietly scratching the gold against the cave wall.
"Our dungeon only has Golems and Goblins. There's no one to talk to. Well, of course, the Golems and Goblins are good kids. They listen to me, and they never complain even though we live in a dump. Really..."
"Lord Dantalion, this isn't gold."
"...Good kids... What?"
Lapis held the ore in one hand and gazed at me silently.
I blinked.
"Huh?"
"It's pyrite. The surface color is similar, so it's often mistaken for gold. It has the nickname 'fool's gold.' I'm not sure if you're aware, but to distinguish minerals with similar surface colors, you just need to scratch the surface."
She scratched the ore against the cave wall and showed me the powder that came off. It was black dust.
"The color of the powder that comes off when you scratch the surface is called the streak color. Native gold, pyrite, and chalcopyrite all have similar-looking colors, but their streak colors are yellow, black, and greenish-black respectively. This is pyrite."
"..."
I plunged into bottomless embarrassment.
"S-So... how much is it worth?"
"I'm afraid I have to tell you it falls far short of what you were hoping for."
I dropped to my knees on the ground in despair.
"I-I thought things were finally starting to look up..."
"Fifty-six iron ore. One pyrite."
Beside me, Lapis Lazuli calmly worked her abacus as though nothing had happened.
"The total comes to two gold."
"Uuuuugh..."
"Thank you for choosing the Kunkuska Trading Company again today."
"Kuuuaaagh..."
Me, the Demon Lord, working an entire day for two gold. Tears blurred my vision.
Lapis Lazuli's composed voice drifted down from above.
"I am well aware of Your Excellency Dantalion's passionate feelings toward me, but I would be even more grateful if you could show the same generosity toward your business profits."
Kuuuaaaagh!
I rolled around on the floor for a good while, utterly mortified.
============================ Author's Notes ============================
The Kunkuska Trading Company is a parody of the Gyunrguska Trading Company that appears in *A Dragon Writes Its Nest*. This novel drew a great deal of inspiration from *A Dragon Writes Its Nest*.