Crack!
The wooden door shattered into splinters. The Demon Lord's room entrance had miserably fallen to the level of bulk trash.
Liff expertly slung his axe over his shoulder and spat on the floor.
"Hmph, nothing special."
"As expected of Liff. The finest lumberjack Jalsen has to offer."
"Please. Something like this? Even a snot-nosed kid could do it."
With Liff leading the charge, the party filed into the Demon Lord's room one or two at a time.
The Demon Lord's room was absurdly shabby. It was spacious enough, but it was basically a slightly tidied-up cave. A red carpet was rolled out in one corner. A bed sat on top of it. That was the only luxury item. It was nothing like the lavish background illustrations of the Demon Lord's room depicted in the game.
'As expected of D Class….'
I sighed inwardly.
It wasn't the D you think of when you go A, B, C, D. It was D for Dantalion. I had decided to establish a special class reserved exclusively for this bottom-tier Demon Lord who had been traumatized by the stats window and the dungeon screen. Even F rank was too good for Dantalion. As a hardcore fan of Dungeon Attack, it was an unacceptable level.
Apart from that, there was one thing to be grateful for. I had no idea how to open the Demon Lord's room door, and yet Liff had broken through it without any real issue. The adventurers had shrugged off my excuse about losing the key in the chaos without making a fuss.
'It's just a wooden door — smash it and be done with it, right?'
That was the opinion one of the adventurers had offered. And sure enough, Liff swung his hand axe a few times and the door came open easily. Still, if I hadn't built up Affinity with them in advance, wouldn't the adventurers have gotten irritated over even this minor thing? Maybe I was being overly sensitive, but in this situation where I had absolutely nothing to fall back on, I wanted to at least give myself a round of applause for that brilliant acting earlier.
"Right. We've finally arrived."
Liff's eyes glinted.
"Where's that Meiluntoho or whatever you mentioned?"
"Y-Yes. I… I know the way… ugh!"
I screamed as I climbed down from the newcomer's back. The instant my right foot touched the ground, I twisted my ankle and toppled over.
The adventurers were in an uproar.
"Whoa there, are you alright?"
"Hey, hey. You've got to support him properly!"
I tried to get up quickly before they could help me. It was half genuine, half acting. I made it clear that I was seriously injured, that I wasn't even worth a single punch from any of them.
The key here was to evoke sympathy. Not the kind where they'd have to hassle themselves to support me, annoying and bothering them in the process. I stood up on my own, my legs trembling. Damn. It actually hurt like hell.
"I'm fine. I'm really okay."
"Like that, you can barely walk."
An adventurer said with a worried tone. I gave them a faint smile. Then I limped toward the dead-end wall. I heard sighs of pity from behind me. Of course, nobody actually came over to help. That was just how it was.
I placed my hand against the wall.
"Everyone, it's right here."
"Huh? But there's nothing but a wall."
"There's a magical sigil carved into it that only responds to the dungeon's master."
I said this slightly louder so that all the adventurers could hear.
"If you speak the designated phrase into this sigil, the dungeon's treasure will emerge."
"Hah, magic."
Adventurers exclaimed here and there. The novice adventurers were ignorant of magic. They were commoners by origin — farmers or woodcutters by trade. When in their lives would they have ever seen magic? I was the Demon Lord, and when I said it was magic, they had no choice but to accept it.
I wore a solemn expression.
"Everyone. Please step back ten paces."
"Hmm? Why?"
"This magic was designed for the Demon Lord. If an outsider happens to be too close, it absolutely will not activate. If something goes wrong, it could malfunction and injure you."
I deliberately put on a grave expression.
"In the worst case, the treasure itself might get sealed."
"...!"
The adventurers' faces turned just as serious as mine. Sure enough, mentioning the treasure did the trick right away. All together, they lined up and retreated exactly ten paces, one step at a time.
As I watched that scene, my impression was... it was like a row of otters facing the crisis of a lifetime forming a neat single-file line.
"Well then."
Riff spoke with the most solemn face in the world.
"We've retreated ten paces just as you said."
"..."
In a way, his tone sounded like he was expecting praise.
How could someone who just rained down arrows so cruelly be this naive? Honestly, it was absurd. Were all medieval commoners like this back in the day? Anyway, I didn't let my serious expression slip.
"Excellent. Exactly ten paces — no more, no less. That should be more than enough to ensure no one gets caught up in the magic, even in a million-to-one scenario."
At that, all the adventurers nodded in unison.
"Alright. Heh heh."
"We're perfect, as always."
"......Now then, I'll begin casting the spell. Everyone, please remain silent."
I turned around and faced the cave wall. It was a flat, unremarkable surface.
As if some sacred inscription were engraved there — one visible only to me — I shouted out in a voice brimming with authority.
"You sons of bitches!"
In Korean, of course.
"You cock-sucking son of a bitch — a crocodile-skinned piece of garbage so worthless that even chewing you to death wouldn't be satisfying! Bite down hard with your molars, bite again and again, you goddamn miserable pile of filth! The kind of lowlife bastard that'd eat perilla seeds wrapped in shit and end up constipated for three months until his asshole and his distended gut both burst open and he drops dead! Walking down the street with a ruptured sphincter, shitting his guts all over the pavement — you goddamn — you sons of bitches!"
Could it be that my intensity was something out of the ordinary?
The adventurers whispered among themselves behind me, deliberately lowering their voices.
"Hmm, I can't understand it, but… it's practically dripping with emotion."
"For some reason it reminds me of that eunuch back home who got his dick bitten off by a rabid dog. He screamed just like that when he heard he'd gone soft. I gotta say, the demon race's language isn't what I imagined. I thought it'd be more refined and exotic. But now that I've heard it, it's incredibly manly."
"There's something about it that really strikes a chord in your soul. Gay-saeki. Hm, gay-saeki. The more you say it, the more it just rolls off the tongue."
I was just screaming whatever popped into my head, whether it made sense or not.
Meanwhile, with my eyes I was busy setting the withdrawal amount in the Dungeon Asset Window.
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
Withdrawing dungeon funds.
If you withdraw too much, you might go bankrupt?
Withdrawal Amount: _489 gold
Remaining Balance: _511 gold
※ After deciding the amount to withdraw, think 'Confirm.'
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
I decided to withdraw about half the total assets. That seemed like the right amount. In case I pulled out exactly 500 gold, the adventurers might get suspicious, so I casually adjusted the withdrawal amount to something that looked plausible. If the dungeon treasury landed at exactly 500 — no more, no less — they'd definitely find that strange.
I raised both arms high and bellowed with grand authority.
"— We'll see about that later, you sons of bitches!"
At that moment, gold coins materialized out of thin air.
A golden downpour began to cascade down gloriously. I heard the adventurers cry out in shock behind me.
"Gold coins, they're gold coins!"
"Holy shit, how much is all that worth!?"
"It was really magic!"
They looked like they were about to rush in at any moment. I quickly shouted.
"You mustn't come closer yet! You could be cursed!"
The adventurers, who had been gearing up to charge, froze in their tracks at the word "cursed."
Honestly, there was no real reason to stop them. Think of it as insurance, perhaps. I wanted to raise their Affinity as much as possible, just in case. For the plan I was about to execute, their trust was absolutely essential. So it would be best to keep up the act of looking like a professional.
A modest pile of gold coins quickly accumulated on the cave floor.
The adventurers smacked their lips from a distance.
"Oh my, how much is all that worth."
"Hey, you lot. Don't forget we agreed to split everything fairly."
"Of course. If anyone tries to back out now, it's the death penalty—death penalty!"
Their voices were dripping with oil. The oil of greed.
Now, come to me.
I was biding my time. Finally, around five hundred gold coins had all materialized. The last coin clinked as it rolled to a stop, and no more money appeared from thin air.
One, two, three...
Just as I expected. The adventurers, who had been waiting in extreme tension, took a step forward. Their voices said they could wait no longer.
"Hey, there's no more problems now, right?"
Now!
I threw myself onto the ground.
"GAAAAAAH!"
I thrashed about as though I were in tremendous agony. Saliva drooled from my mouth. My face was as contorted as it could possibly be. The adventurers would never know that I was deliberately rubbing the wounds on my right leg and thigh against the ground to maintain the realism of my acting.
"W-What the hell!?"
"What on earth is going on?! Why is he acting like that?!"
"It's, it's dark magic! A dark magic curse!"
And so, the greatest performance of my life unfolded.
"S-Stop… Damn it! Calm down… my… my eyes…! Gaaaah!"
I clutched both hands over my eyes and screamed.
The adventurers slowly began backing away.
"Good lord, that's horrifying."
"Ngh…"
Yet among them, there was at least one brave soul who tried to approach me.
"Hey, what's wrong with you? Are you alright?"
"D-Don't come near me! This is… guhuk! The backlash from using the magic of darkness…! If you come any closer, you'll be caught up in it too, g-guaaah! You'll get… caught up in it!"
"Gah!"
The man froze in his tracks. I drove the point home with one final blow.
"At least ten paces… no, you need to be nine paces away, or… you might get cursed too!"
I clawed at the ground frantically while sneaking glances at the adventurers' reactions. Every last one of them wore the expression of a chick that had been struck by shock. They had just witnessed gold coins spontaneously materializing out of thin air where nothing had existed moments before. To people who knew nothing of magic, my words — delivered like those of an expert — would surely be convincing.
'But why aren't they reacting properly?'
Here I was, going so far as to do something this embarrassing.
'No way they still don't get it after I spelled it out this far?'
I screamed in frustration. Fortunately, the adventuring party had someone with a working brain among them. One of them cried out in the tone of someone who had just realized something.
"You mean... that's why you told us to step ten paces back?"
Yes. That's exactly the reaction I wanted.
Rather than answering, I let out a scream louder than any before. The adventurers took that scream as confirmation. They mumbled to each other, still wrapped in shock.
"I was only trying to kill that guy."
"A chance to get rid of us, and he wasted it like this..."
"Wait, he really does look like he's in pain. Shouldn't we do something about that?"
Right now, I was without question the greatest actor in the world. At least for this moment.
In truth, I was only stimulating my thigh to make myself shriek at the top of my lungs, but there was no way they'd ever know the truth.
"You idiot! I said it's dark magic. Never heard of guys who kicked the bucket after getting hit by dark magic? Just sit tight and wait."
"Danef is right. The only thing we can do right now is... unfortunately, just wait."
"Damn it."
Right on cue, that pleasant little sound effect chimed like a fanfare.
"Beginner adventurer Danef's Affinity increases by 15."
"Beginner adventurer Leaf's Affinity increases by 16."
"Beginner adventurer Luke's Affinity increases by 20."
'Yes, hell yes!'
Exactly what I'd been after.
And yet, even though everything had gone according to plan... tears were streaming down the inside of my mind. I'd had to pull this entire circus just to raise the Affinity of a bunch of males. I missed my mother's face with an aching desperation.
I'm sorry, Mother. Even after death, I'm still not living a decent life……