"Laura, you like warhorses, right? I've been eyeing this amazing one over in Windbonna. It's no ordinary horse. Gorgeous-looking and fast as the wind."
Barbatos was desperately clutching Laura's hand, unleashing a barrage of gifts like a nouveau riche caught in a courtesan's snare.
"And a longsword too. I had a blacksmith commission it, and the adamantine content is a whopping seventy percent. Shit, when I picked it up—it wasn't a sword, it was a riding crop. Incredibly light, but it cuts through flesh and bone like a knife through radish. Laura, take it all."
"Wow..."
Watching this spectacle from the side, I let out an involuntary gasp. Not because I was impressed by Barbatos—my jaw dropped at the realization that a person could fall this far. Barbatos, you're disgustingly pathetic...
Laura, still holding her shrewd angle, spoke.
"Unnie. Do you think I'm doing this because I want gifts from you?"
"Of course not. I know that."
Barbatos nodded vigorously.
"It's just that I feel bad... You know? If I don't do anything for you, I'll feel terrible. You know how I feel, Laura."
"I don't really know what kind of feelings those are."
This was getting better by the second.
My face was rotting into a sewer drain. For the record, Lapis was kneeling in the corner, and Daisy was standing demurely beside me—every last one of us had expressions colder than the Siberian plains. Watching lovers fight from the sidelines is nothing but ugly.
It had been roughly a year since Barbatos and Laura started dating.
Barbatos had always been a lesbian. On top of that, she was a die-hard female supremacist—she believed that men were nothing more than biological waste, and only woman and woman together could form a pure, beautiful love.
The sole exception was me. But the reason she dated me wasn't because I was so fascinating that I transcended gender—it was because I had far surpassed mere biological waste to become the trash among trash. Even for bullshit, there had to be a limit, but that was what Barbatos said.
So let's take a look at Laura's stats.
First—she's beautiful. Having left her girlhood behind and just entering the bloom of womanhood, Laura was a chrysanthemum in full splendor. Across the entire continent, there were maybe one or two women who could rival her looks.
Second—she's brilliant. By sixteen, she had already mastered various philosophies and was fluent in six languages. A person can be smart yet still be completely tasteless, but Laura was different. I had never once seen her brag about devouring books or speaking multiple languages.
And finally, third.
Her bedroom skills were off the charts.
Laura had maxed out the sex slave job at rank S. Need I say more?
A beauty who could topple a nation, a woman of every talent, a femme fatale. She was the sort of woman who could topple a country like it was nothing and then shake the entire continent. When a woman like that comes courting, even Barbatos was bound to fall.
At first, since a gorgeous girl was making moves on her, Barbatos thought, "Well, if you insist," and jumped at the chance. But as time went on, she began to realize Laura's true worth. Or to put it more precisely... the more they slept together, the more she understood.
As the push and pull went on, Barbatos kept losing ground, and from a few months back, Laura had completely seized the upper hand. I'm not entirely sure, but it seemed like Laura took on the more demanding role when they were together in bed.
From Barbatos's perspective, the most beautiful woman on the continent was giving her whatever she wanted. How could she ever let that go?
In short, she'd become a textbook case of wearing the pants by day but handing them over at night.
"You and I are connected heart to heart, transcending race and status—I truly believed that. But in reality... the moment anything slightly important comes up, you leave me alone in bed and run off. That's all we are..."
Laura wore a melancholy expression.
"Well... I'm human. I was a slave. It's already presumptuous of me to expect anything from you, Unnie. After all, I'm the sort of person who has no choice but to squat there for four or five hours on end if my lord tells me to suck..."
"D-Dantalion! You made Laura do that!?"
Why does the arrow always point back at me?
And calling her "our Laura" no less. Since when did Laura become your property? This was absurd. She looked ready to hand over her liver and gallbladder.
"Come on. It's not that weird for a boss to ask a subordinate to, you know, take care of things—"
"Laura isn't just some subordinate! She's my lover too! You despicable bastard, how dare you treat my lover like a sex slave!"
"You know, hearing you call someone despicable really hits different... There's no one in the Demon Lord's Army with a fouler temper than you, Barbatos."
"Laura was my lover long before she was yours! What's it to you if two lovers want to do whatever they want in bed? You're just scared, so you take it out on me. Tsk tsk."
"Oh, come on!"
Barbatos glared at me. I realized what was happening.
"Even knowing how much Laura suffered in the past—huh? You, calling yourself her lord, making her sit on the floor and give you head!"
She looked like she was angry at me, but in reality, she was desperately pleading. Her eyes were silently screaming, "Please, just play along." Her mouth and her eyes were telling two different stories—she didn't have the confidence to smooth things over with Laura on her own, so she was sending me an SOS.
"Our Laura's pretty little behind was freezing, you know! Shouldn't you have considered something like that? Honestly, Dantalion, you lack consideration—total consideration. Your attitude's been terrible from way back!"
"......"
"Now. Hurry up and apologize to Laura! Quickly! Get on your knees and beg!"
I scratched my cheek.
Well, not knowing today was their planned date was my fault. Watching Barbatos grovel like this in front of Laura wasn't exactly pleasant, either. I'd give her this one.
I turned to Laura.
"...Listening to what Barbatos has said, I realize I was in the wrong. Laura, I'm sorry. I should have been more considerate. Barbatos is right. I went too far."
"Hmm. Promise me that from now on, you won't make me perform fellatio for more than an hour."
What?
My eyes went wide. Laura had a triumphant look on her face.
No way. Was this her goal from the start? Deliberately redirecting the target to me, extracting an apology, and then going for this kind of promise...?
This was terrifying. Utterly terrifying. Both Daisy and Laura—what on earth were the women of our Demon Lord's Castle descended from, to have insides so pitch-black?
"T-that's... even so, only an hour? On days like today when I'm doing paperwork and bored, I'd need at least three hours of service before I stop being bor—"
"Dantaliion!"
Barbatos shrieked.
"She's telling you she'll forgive you if you're more careful from now on! You're turning into such a man, huh? You don't even know how to properly apologize to a woman!"
"......"
I glared at Barbatos. Behind those foul words were the most pleading eyes I'd ever seen. Barbatos was silently screaming: "Please, I'll do anything—just surrender on this one."
I let out a sigh.
"...Fine. I promise I won't ask for more than one hour of fellatio from now on."
To summarize.
With "Laura > Barbatos" now established, the power ranking of our Demon Lord's Army had become "Laura > Barbatos ≥ Dantalion > everyone else." Pillow talk was truly terrifying.
"Mm. Thank you, my lord."
Laura beamed with satisfaction. Seeing that smile, Barbatos's expression melted into an idiotic grin. She was laughing like a little kid. Good grief. She's got it bad.
Laura took Barbatos's hands in both of hers.
"Unnie. I'm sorry for misunderstanding your feelings. You go to such lengths for me..."
"No, no. I'm the one who should apologize for leaving without saying anything that day. I won't do it again."
"Unnie."
"Laura!"
The two beautiful women gently embraced each other.
The air was so radiant that white lilies should have been blooming in the background. To some, it might have been a touching sight. As for Lapis, Daisy, and me—we were all staring at the pair with dead-fish eyes.
"...Right. You two have a good time. We'll go check on the upper floors."
The two women had already created their own little world. They probably couldn't hear me anymore, but I offered my leave-taking out of courtesy. The three of us left the office together.
Just before leaving, Lapis turned back and spoke.
"Laura. Don't forget that tomorrow's military training is scheduled."
"Ah, right. Got it, Unnie."
Laura, who hadn't even acknowledged my farewell, answered briskly. She'd apparently genuinely forgotten about tomorrow's schedule. Lapis's reminder must have jolted it back into her mind—that's why she snapped to attention and answered.
With a thud, the office door closed.
The three of us wandered aimlessly through the tenth basement floor of the dungeon. For some reason, I felt bitter, so I stuck a cigarette in my mouth.
"Every time I see something like that, I'm reminded all over again—you can't let love go too far."
"Is that so?"
Lapis agreed, expressionless.
"Yeah. You have to draw a clear boundary between two people and never cross it—that's how you keep things clean. Look at Barbatos. She demands everything she wants from Laura, and now the tables have turned—she's the one who's trapped. Should've kept her requests in moderation."
"It's so unsightly, seeing her like that. Even if you're ranked eighth and the head of the Plains Faction, the moment your love life goes sideways, you're done. Hmm, though I do find it odd that Laura was the one who pursued Barbatos in the first place."
I honestly had no idea Laura had lesbian tendencies. Even when I heard they were dating, all that came out of my mouth was "Huh?" I had no intention of interfering with my subordinates' love lives, whether same-sex or otherwise—but Laura had never given me even a hint.
"I wonder if Laura and Barbatos were secretly meeting back when Laura was serving as a strategist in the Crescent Alliance Army?"
"I've never heard of such a thing."
"Hmm, stranger things do happen in this world."
Come to think of it, Laura and I had technically become rivals over Barbatos, yet Laura never once acted petty toward me. Fascinating, in many ways.
"Dantalion. More importantly, there are important documents remaining."
"Huh? We left the documents in the office."
"I had a feeling things would go this way, so I packed them in advance."
Lapis showed me the bag tucked under her arm.
"I couldn't grab too many, but it's about two hours' worth."
"Ugh, and here I thought I'd get a little break..."
"Since your office has been occupied, we'll finish the work in mine."
Lapis strode off, leaving no room for argument.
I had no choice but to follow her dejectedly, effectively under arrest. From behind, Daisy trailed along and muttered something about "The one who truly rules is..." but her voice was too quiet to make out.
Our Demon Lord's Castle was, for the most part, at peace.